Stuck In a Sexless Relationship?

Cassie 0:00
Hello, folks. So today we're going to be

Josh 0:03
Talking about sex.

Cassie 0:05
Let's talk about sex baby.

Josh 0:07
Cassie's favorite topic.

Cassie 0:09
It is one of my favorite topics. Yes, I love talking about sex. And we're gonna dive into talking about it because it is for a lot of us one of the most important things in our relationship, that physical intimacy, and there are many folks who are not getting that need met in their relationships.

Josh 0:30
So we're gonna dive in today into why that happens. So stay tuned.

Cassie 0:54
Here at Touch of Flavor, we teach non monogamous folks how to overcome their obstacles and build thriving relationships.

Josh 1:01
This podcast is about answering one question, how do you create loving, passionate, secure relationships outside the box? Even if nothing has ever worked before? If you want to know the answer, you are in the right place.

Cassie 1:13
All of this information is 100% free. So please subscribe to and review our podcast.

Josh 1:23
So Cassie, is this like your favorite subject that we've ever talked about?

Cassie 1:27
I mean, as I said before, it's it is one of my favorite subjects. I love talking about sex. I love I love. I love sex, I love the action of sex. And I like talking about it because it is a super fun thing to do with your partners. It's a way to connect. And it just brings me joy. So I want to spread a little bit more of that joy today and help folks figure out why it is they're in sexless partnerships and why they're struggling with that. And most likely, it's not for the reasons that you think.

Josh 2:02
Yeah, so when we're talking about a sexless aartnership, you know, and this, this is going to look kind of different for you, depending on what your needs to feel loved and connected and like sexually fulfilled and desired look like. And you know, it may be very different for some people, right, you know, some people sex once a week might be a sexless partnership. Other people might be a couple times a month might be a sexless partnership. But you know,

Cassie 2:26
For some people it might be a couple of days, and then you're like, seriously?

Josh 2:29
Yeah. And you know, but you know, with saying that, and again, I'm not going to attach any specific timeframe to the word sexless. But you know, quite often we talk to people where it's like, we haven't had sex in a month, six months, a year, two years. Right. And, you know, what we see a lot of times with this is, and this is where, and we talk about this sometimes, but where non monogamy can, as awesome as it is really throw a magnifying glass on some of those things that would otherwise remain maybe a little less visible, or buried. If we were monogamous is what we see a lot is these situations people are like, you know, my partner hasn't wanted to have sex with me for six months for a year. And you know, they tell me, oh, you know, just just don't really feel it. I'm too busy. I just not really a very sexual person. And now they get a new partner. And now there's nothing else they want to do except screw like, rabbits.

Cassie 3:32
Yeah, it, it puts a highlighter. And really what I like to tell folks when they're like, Well, you know, this is happening is that when it's just the two of you, it's easy to hide behind the excuses, is easy to hide behind the fact that your partner has had a headache every day, anytime that you want to mess around or like, there's always you know, the kids stayed up too late or I had a rough day at work, right? When it's just the two of you, it's easier to hide behind that but when you have other relationships and that's one of the great things about non monogamy is we have these relationships that we get to explore, but one of the things that happens is you start to see where this isn't just a life problem. It is a dyad problem that we have.

Josh 4:28
Well and that's where that comes in right and you realize that it isn't that your partner doesn't want to have sex, it's that they don't have sex with you. Ouch.

Cassie 4:36
Or vice versa,

Josh 4:37
Or vice versa. And and here's the thing and I just want to throw you know, while we do see that and that magnifying glass does get brought with non monogamy a lot of times it isn't, you don't have to have that contrast for it to hurt, right regardless even if your partner doesn't have you know somebody else that they're in that like this is awesome phase with, still being in a spot where like your needs aren't getting met, where you feel unattractive, where you feel undesired, right? Where, you know, like, where you're just not having that intimacy or that connection with your partner. That hurts and sucks regardless of any outside contrast, right? Any outside like magnifying glass thrown on your relationship in that way.

Cassie 5:32
Yeah. And a lot of times folks are kind of looking at it like this, right? And maybe you're the partner, you're the partner who's in the position where you go to spend time with your partner, right? And we see this a lot, where folks are like, well, we put some intimacy time on our calendar, or we like scheduled some sex and like, we got together, like, if this scenario sounds a little familiar, like I'm not picking on, you just just picture it for a minute. We have this planned out, the kids, we got the sitter, and we go to do stuff, and we're just not feeling it.

Josh 6:12
Ore my partner's feeling it and I let them do what they want. But I feel gross.

Cassie 6:15
I was getting there. Yeah. Right. But we're not feeling it. And then we end up kind of spending that time like, playing on our phones and ignoring each other, or we try. And a couple of things happen. The first one being what Josh just mentioned, you say, Oh, we scheduled it, I'm gonna I'm gonna do the thing. And then you feel gross, and maybe even a little resentful. Right, and, and it doesn't feel good, right? Like, it just doesn't feel good that you had sex with your partner, were intimate with your partner out of obligation versus really enjoying it. And then the other thing that happens is, the two of you end up in a place where you are intimate. But then the whole time that you're intimate, what you're thinking about is them with their other partner, or the argument that you had last week, or the fact that like, even though this moment feels good, you know that as soon as you're done, it's gonna be another issue. And so, we see this a lot, when folks are being intimate with each other, go ahead.

Josh 7:32
Well, and even if even if that isn't popping up in that moment of intimacy, right, a lot of times doesn't even get that far. Because if that's the kind of stuff that's going through your head, right, a lot of the times it's backed up to what you said before, but it won't even make it to intimacy, you won't even get there. Right, and you'll be in the space where you just continue to go through and it's another day, another date night, Another week, another month, another six months, another year. And that sucks. Right. And and the other thing that can wind up happening too, though, is those those few times that you do manage to connect like Cassie said, it doesn't feel like it used to and I don't just mean physically, although that can certainly happen. Right, you can certainly be in a space where either because of just where your head is at, or how traumatic other experiences with your partner have been. Or just, you know, like the fact that you just aren't really like in it and maybe focused on each other in the same way. Maybe your partner isn't as interested in you feeling good anymore. Like it can feel different physically certainly, right, you can certainly be in a place where like, even the, the physical aspect of it isn't good. But you know, even more often, it's easy to be in a spot where doesn't emotionally feel like it used, you know, like where the stars moved and you connected and you became one person and just like it just cemented the relationship between you two can actually be something that really just cements how far apart you two are and drives you further away. Right. And with that too Cassie, I know that you had wanted to just take a second before we move on and kind of talk about the differences between you know, this kind of like falling into a sexless marriage and things, like just having somebody in a relationship like who is asexual, or becomes asexual, that kind of thing.

Cassie 9:45
Yeah. So there's there's there's a couple of things here and I think a lot of times, I get it, we all like to soften what's going on with us right but I want to keep it in in context right. There are situations where like, our sex drives might be impacted. And we talked about this in another show where we're talking about, like, there's always differences in sex drive, like everybody has differences, it's never the same. And there's going to be things that impact your sex drive acutely, right, like the things that like happen for a period of time and shift. And pay attention to those things like don't think that like you're in a sexless partnership, because you caught COVID for a week and you feel sick, like, believe me when we had COVID. Like, there was no sexy stuff going on. But that's, that's not what we're talking about. We're not talking about the things that pop up, or having a difference in sex drive, we're talking about what we were just describing there where you cannot connect with your partner and feel intimate, or even get to the place of being intimate at all.

Josh 10:52
And if it is just bridging differences and desire. That episode is episode 13. For those of you watching this on YouTube, and maybe even Facebook, I don't think we have videos from that far back. So you need to actually go to the podcast like on you know, go to atouchofflavor.com/show or go to your podcast catcher, whatever, and and listen to episode 13.

Josh 11:13
But this is the other thing with this. And you know, when I was talking to Cassie, earlier, Cassie had wanted to bring that in, because that is a real thing for some people, but at the same time, and this is what I want. A lot of times we're seeing people talking about this in the context of the overall relationship, it becomes a hiding place. Right, it becomes an excuse of, well, our sex drives are just different. And ignoring the fact that there's a lot of other factors at play beyond just differences in libido. And that's why I think this does get brought in in the face of non monogamous people so much more as because it's super easy just to hide that, oh, well, you know, there's just there's a libido difference, like we just have different levels of sex drives. Right? And very occasionally, that's true, like us with our partner, there's a huge difference right now, right or? Well, right now isn't the right phrasing, I think I was thinking about different people. But there's a huge difference, like between like our sex drives, and Amanda's sex drive. Right, and so sometimes that's true, but it can very easily become a place to hide. And the thing about non monogamy is that when your partner find somebody else, and now you're realizing again, it isn't that they don't want to have sex, isn't that they don't have libido, they just don't want to have it with you. Now, you know, right.

Josh 12:35
And then also just, I want to take a moment to just distinguish what you're saying about like life circumstances from, like, just the low sex drive in the relationship and the sexlessness in the relationship, because, you know, I would say that that's something that's a condition. You know, maybe for a couple of weeks that you have something serious going on, right? Somebody is having a really hard time at work, somebody's sick, there's a health problem, somebody's grieving, that kind of a thing.

Cassie 13:10
I was going to say grieving.

Josh 13:11
Yeah, but you know, after a little bit, it stops being so much a condition and becomes more of an excuse. Right? And that's something that's really easy to do. So often, when I talk to people, they're like, oh, we haven't had sex in six months, we haven't sex in a year, like, well, we're really busy. There's a lot of stuff going on, like everybody always has a lot of stuff going on. Everybody's life gets really busy.

Cassie 13:33
Like how busy are you that you can't get a quickie in the shower? Like, I know,

Josh 13:38
That isn't a busy problem.

Cassie 13:39
That isn't a busy problem, right? Like, let's let's just be honest, we could all find 15 minutes to hop in the shower.

Josh 13:45
Look, folks I had, I had a job for years, where I'd go into work, I'd be gone for like three days, I'd work 80 hours a week, we had a little one, other partners in our lives. We had, you know, this, this business and this outreach, you know, albeit, in a much smaller form, but also still quite a time consuming one. We still found time, right? It isn't about that. It's about how much you two want each other and how important it is to make the time for that. So you know, a couple of weeks sure, like don't start freaking out and going oh, like, you know, there's something going on. We're not as intimate as we used to be sure. But you know, a couple weeks turns into a month turns into months turns into- you need to start looking at what's really going on.

Cassie 14:36
And the thing is, is that when this happens and we're making those excuses and we're not actually addressing what's going on. Well, first off, we're not getting our needs met, right and whenever we're not getting our needs met in our relationship, it creates other challenges and those things where you might have felt a little jealous of your your metamour, or you are fearing that your partner is not really into you, things like that, it ends up happening, right? Like, if you're not getting your needs met here, you're gonna start looking for places to get that need met. So this ends up becoming sort of a self fulfilling prophecy of worry, right? Like, I'm worried because we're not intimate, that you're going to find something else. So or I'm concerned that like, you're really into this other person and things like that. And then because I'm not in a place to connect with you, right, you're going to go do that. So ends up kind of feeding itself. Anything you wanna add on that?

Josh 15:50
No, not on that.

Cassie 15:53
So where do you want to go from here.

Josh 15:59
I mean, we spent a while kind of talking about the challenges with it right, and you know, it doesn't feel good. It causes strain in other areas of your relationship. It gives you a comparison to other people that winds up creating jealousy and friction and you feeling bad about yourself a lot of times, on whatever end of that you are, right, whether that's the end of you don't want to have sex with your partner, or they don't wanna have sex with you. Right? So it causes a lot of problems. I guess, maybe moving from here to talking about what people think the problem is when they run into this and what the problem actually is.

Cassie 16:33
Okay, so often, one of the big issues with this is what people focus on. And we see this all the time we see this, when people talk to us on the phone, we see it in our Facebook group, they're like, the problem is we're not having sex, and the problem is created from us not having sex, right? Like, it's this idea of like sex is the problem. So they try to fix the sex and intimacy.

Josh 17:01
I'm gonna tell a little, a little story here that some people may not know, depending on how long you've been kind of with us. But there was a period years ago. That's why I said, you know, this business has been through different cycles and our coaching and our teaching has been through different cycles at different points, right, there was a period of time and I'll date this was, after 50 Shades of Grey, right.

Cassie 17:25
Right around

Josh 17:26
Right around, where we went through a big phase, in this company, of looking to help people better their relationships by improving their sex and their intimacy, right. And teaching people how to spice things up how to get back to passion, and how to introduce variety, into their relationships, how to overcome, like, whatever specific sexual challenges they were facing. And we did that a lot. We did a lot of teaching on that we did coaching on that we ran events and conferences, where we taught about that other people came in and taught about that. And one of the big shifts for us, that led us into focusing more on the relationship path of things was the point a couple years into that, where we realized that most of the time, when people came looking for help with the intimacy, there was nothing technically wrong with the intimacy. It wasn't like, you know, when when people first got together, and they had a good sex life, and they knew how to pleasure each other, like that suddenly went away. Right? It was at the relationship, the sum total of the relationship and the stuff going on in the relationship wound up impacting and and dragging the sex down. And on the other side of that, right, a lot of times people are then looking to try and use sex to fix the relationship problems. So it was it was really realizing right, that at the end of the day, you know, when you're looking at intimacy for people most of the time, right, it isn't a matter of like, which vibrator to use or which toys to use.

Cassie 19:19
What's the best position.

Josh 19:20
What's the best position you know, overcoming XY and Z like those are all very easily solved technical problems, for the most part.

Cassie 19:29
And they can be fun to solve.

Josh 19:31
And they can be very fun to solve.

Cassie 19:32
Very, very fun to solve.

Josh 19:34
But most of the time when you're looking at a relationship and especially one where the sex has been good in the past, not like one of us never been able to have good sex with anybody.

Cassie 19:50
Or you've never been able to get off or you've like had a specific like hang up in a specific spot, right like those are things,

Josh 19:56
Like you're having ED like.

Cassie 19:58
Yeah.

Josh 19:58
And even sometimes some of that stuff. But, but overall, unless it's one of those like, like something really specific to that, when you're not having sex, that isn't about the sex.

Cassie 20:08
Yeah, it's about all of the other things going on in your relationship, right. And one of the things that I encourage folks to do, and this actually came out of working with folks is one of the big questions that I would ask is, when did this start? And you want to ask yourself this question, when, when did I see things start to dwindle? When did that when When did things start to shift? Because if the sex in your relationship was great, but then the jealousy got really bad, and the communication was falling apart, and you're not getting your other connective needs met, right.

Josh 20:53
Or you two got in an argument, your partner said something nasty about you and your sexual skills and pleasing them and how you are in bed or how you look. Right? Or it started falling off as the connection started falling off in other areas of life. Like all of these things, like those are the things you need to look at, because here's the truth of it. And we talk all the time about how in a relationship, one of the biggest mistakes that people make is they try and focus on specific problems. Rather than raising the whole level of relationship. As a general rule, the level of the relationship goes up or down, together, right? It's very hard to have an amazing sex life for the rest of your relationship is shit. And you know, people talk all the time about like makeup, sex, and angry sex and all that stuff. And in my experience, that's something and you correct me if I'm wrong here, Cassie, that tends to be the case for like, newer relationships where that works. But the longer you're in, and the more buildup of like shit that happens, it just becomes very hard to have an amazing sex life, if the rest of your relationship isn't where you want it to be.

Cassie 21:52
It's newer relationships, right? Because like, there hasn't been a build up of it. Or it's, it's something we do every once in a blue moon, when we've had a spat. We've had a little spat. And you know what, rather than like, trying to figure out who's putting the dishes in the dishwasher, we ended up fucking in the kitchen like that, like, cool, right? But that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about, we're getting into these arguments where we're, we're lashing out each other, we're saying horrible things, and then we're having sex afterwards. And that doesn't, that doesn't last.

Josh 22:23
And folks, it's just common sense. Like, just think about this for a minute. Like if you're in a place where you know, you're just full of jealousy all the time, you constantly find yourself comparing yourself to your partner. And now you go to have sex. What happens? Like you get in your head, you start comparing, you start wondering if you're as good as this other person, start thinking about what your partner did with them, you know, about the time they came home and told you that they, you know, they did this thing with them, right? Or, you know, wondering if you're good enough, of course, that kills a sex drive. Right? Or, you know, if you're in a spot where you're arguing and saying nasty shit all the time. And you're feeling like disconnected and distant. Of course, you aren't, like raring to go to fuck this person who is like nasty and shitty and says mean stuff to you. If you're in a place where, you know, anytime you're not having sex, you're sitting in the same room and you're feeling miles apart, and they're ignoring you and playing on their phone. And everything else is more important. You feel like unimportant and unseen and unloved in the relationship, super hard to get into the sex. And this is folks why when our partner goes off and goes to another relationship a lot, or we do a lot of times that sex all of a sudden is really good. It's because there isn't all this other shit going on. It's the same reason the sex used to be really good between us. It's because there wasn't all this other stuff piled up there in the relationship.

Cassie 23:43
Yeah. And that's the thing is the sex not being what it was it not being there is a symptom of those things. Right? It is, it is what happens. It's what, you know, if you're listening to Josh, just talk there for a minute. You're probably like, of course, of course, I wouldn't want to be intimate with someone, when every other moment that we're together, we feel miles apart, right? Of course, I wouldn't want to be intimate with someone who I don't feel respected or loved or valued the rest of the time. That's a no brainer. So the thing is, is that ends up being the symptom. And then people try to fix that symptom with getting a different sex toy, or taking a Tantra class or trying trying to spice things up with kink and, and all those things are fun again, but that's not going to resolve it.

Josh 24:38
And one other thing that's unique to non monogamous relationships or isn't always but should be, right, is that sometimes people will try and fix a sexual connection between us by us having sex with other people. And that's a tricky thing, right? Because a lot of times that can seem like it works up front, a lot of times, you know, if the sex between us really sucks, and we often have sex with other people, a lot of times the sex will be better, right? Whether it's because there's a sense of novelty there, whether it's a placebo effect of now expecting things to get better, or, and this is what we see most often, whether it is now I feel like I have to compete with this other person. So in the short term, I'm going to start having sex more, I'm going to start doing things I maybe wouldn't do, I'm going to start focusing more on your pleasure. And in the short term, maybe the sex does get good.

Josh 25:31
Here's the problem, though. You know, that can be an awesome thing. And that can even stay an awesome thing. If overall, our relationship is good. And our sex life is good, you know, having other stuff going on can can provide a good boost. If what's going on between us is bad. That actually what that winds up doing is it gives us this bump that that has a later crash, right? Because what you're really - I want you to think about that - what you're really doing when you're in that moment, is you are performing because you are feeling pressured, and in fear that somebody else is going to be better than you, is pleasing your partner more than you, that you're going to be replaced, and you're doing things that you wouldn't typically do. And I don't even necessarily just mean activities, but I mean, focusing on your partner, having sex more. And this is the problem, right? At the end of the day, there is an energy under that of being forced into doing something that you aren't doing the sake of doing it.

Cassie 26:37
Even if you're the person who's forcing it.

Josh 26:40
And there's an energy of comparing, and worrying, and all that under that. So while that gives a little boost in the short term, in the longer term, that resentment, that worry, that comparison, winds up causing problems either in - more problems in the sex between us or in the other areas of our relationship. Now we're arguing more now, this now we're this, now we're that. And that little boost that we get in our sex life just winds up crashing and burning further down. Anything else you want to add to that?

Cassie 27:16
No, I think you covered that pretty well.

Josh 27:19
So with that said, let's talk about what is the answer, like what should people be doing if they find themselves in a sexless relationship where it again isn't just a libido difference, right, or a little short, temporary life circumstance, and they're looking to fix it.

Cassie 27:43
So that's the thing, what you need to do is you need to be looking at your relationship as a whole. And working on that idea of raising the level of your relationship and creating a thriving relationship. In all areas. The sex and physical intimacy in your relationship is a sign of, it's really the product of the connection that you have with your partner. So you need to start viewing it that way. Like when we are in a great place, and we are feeling good in our relationship. Well, the sex in our relationship is probably more frequent, it's easier, it feels better. And all of us know what that's like. And that should really be what you're gauging is seeing when there is these things when you're feeling like you're stuck in a sexless partnership, when you're feeling like you just can't get to a place where the intimacy is great is to start looking at the relationship as a whole.

Josh 28:51
Folks, this is and like I said, we talk about this all the time, right. But this idea of I think it's relationship synergy. We switched the word a little while back, because the word we were using before was a little hard to pronounce. Right? What were we saying before? Gestalt relationship Gestalt, right. Relationship synergy or relationship gestalt, or just it doesn't matter. But like really, at the end of the day, it's being in this place where understanding that in our relationships, like nothing is disconnected from each other and you can't work on fixing any one thing in isolation, right? The challenges in our relationships touch every area, like it's impossible to have shitty communication, and to be arguing and fighting and saying nasty shit with each other, and to feel super loved and connected. It's impossible to be in a spot where our relationship is super insecure, and falling apart around us and my partner has an amazing relationship with somebody else and not to feel jealous and insecure and to worry about being replaced. Right.

Josh 29:59
It's an impossible to be in a spot of being jealous and feeling crappy and crummy and not to have that bleed over into how we communicate with our partners into the agreements that we make. When you have an area of your relationship, that isn't where you want it to be, you have to look at raising all of the key areas of your relationships, right. And that looks like your connection, intimacy, but it also looks like not just the intimate portion of that connection. But again, that, that feeling of love and happiness and togetherness, and you know, like loving each other that we have, right. But again, it's not just that it's it's the jealousy, insecurity. It's the communication. It's the agreements. It's all of these key areas that you have to raise up in order to build the relationships that you want. And they all have to be raised together.

Josh 31:05
Because again, like it just - you can never focus on just fixing one things, because not only will you not make progress, any progress that you do make, gets torn back down. Right? So you know, we just work on feeling way more secure in our relationship. Well, that works until the next argument, where you say something super shitty to me, and tell me how awful I am. And you know that you don't know why you're here in this relationship. You have to raise all these things together. So when you're looking at increasing the intimacy, sure, like Cassie said, like, all these things have places like making sure that there's variety, in that.

Cassie 31:42
Variety is great.

Josh 31:43
Variety is great. Getting better at the physical pieces of it is great. Like all of those things are great. And they're also not the problem. Right, they're also not the problem 99% of the time, like I said, especially if you had a decent sex life at one point, and now it's fallen off. That isn't what's going on, you need to focus on building a better relationship overall, including the intimacy. And in that you're going to see the intimacy explode, and get so much better than you would if you just focused on positions and sex toys, and things like that. Anything else you wanna throw in there, Cassie?

Cassie 32:25
No. And the awesome thing is is like, I want to stress this, again, we're not telling you not to do all the other things. Like, again, we mentioned earlier, like sex is one of my favorite things like, absolutely do the fun, kinky stuff, absolutely try all those things. But when your relationship is in a great place, and that intimacy, feeling is already great, those things that you're experimenting with are adding in become more fun, they become more exciting, versus those things ending up possibly even feeling worse, right? Like, because you feel like you're broken because it didn't fix the issue.

Josh 33:05
Folks, we have hundreds of podcast episodes on that stuff, right? Hundreds is a bit strong, dozens. But you have to focus on getting your relationship to a decent place. And you can do it all at the same time, you can focus on the things to bring in the intimacy. And actually you should be- the things to bring in the intimacy, and to fix the communication and to get rid of the jealousy. And to build the connection outside of the bedroom. You can focus on all that at once. Right? You don't have to just leave the intimacy aside. But you don't want to just focus on that. Focus on building a thriving, loving, passionate, secure-

Cassie 33:44
Sexy.

Josh 33:45
Relationships, right? And you're going to see that love and that passion and that intimacy and that being desired and wanted show back up in the ways that it did when you first got together. Okay. Now, how do you build a thriving relationship? That wasn't really the topic of this episode. But what we have done is we've put together a amazing training on the five pillars that we've seen over years and years and years of working with non monogamous relationships, the five pillars that anybody needs, in their relationships, if they want those relationships to thrive, okay, and we put that together and a really awesome training. You can go through, I think something like 35, 40 minutes long, and it will absolutely transform the way that you approach and do your relationships. We talk more about this idea of relationship synergy in there, how to get the connection, how to overcome the jealousy, all of those things. So if you want to watch that, really simple, go to atouchofflavor.com/pillars. It'll take you right to the training just punch in your name, punch in your email, it'll drop you right in. And you can watch it right then and there. You can watch it later with your partner, whatever. But it is going to be just it'll completely transform the way you look at your relationships. Like I said, this is, these are the five key things we've taken from years and years and years of helping non monogamous folks transform their relationships and their connection and their intimacy, to get that to where you want it to be. So anything else there, Cassie, that you want to wrap in there?

Cassie 35:29
No, just absolutely go to that training. It's, it'll it'll blow your mind.

Josh 35:34
So do that. And last piece, like I said, if there is just you know, you're in a spot where you're listening this and you've listened to all this and you're like, you know, I really do just feel like everything in our relationship is really great. Right? And it really is just a difference in libido. It's really just a difference in desire between us. And that's it. Just go ahead. Like I said, you can go to the podcast episode. What episode was that? I forget what I said. Hold on. Wait, I'll get it for you. Again. I think it was 13.

Cassie 36:14
One of the one of the first ones.

Josh 36:16
Yup. 13. You can even just go to atouchofflavor.com/013. And it'll drop you right into the episode. So definitely listen to that. Like I said, we already have an amazing resource on that. That's why we didn't focus very much there today. We wanted to focus on what we see in most people, right, who are in stuck in a situation when the relationship feels sexless. Which isn't that it's it's libido, it's that it's all the other garbage that's built up. Okay. So do that explore those resources, it's gonna help you absolutely transform the intimacy between you. And we will see you all here, next show.

Josh 36:52
Thanks for tuning into today's show. We release new episodes every week. So make sure to subscribe.

Cassie 36:58
If you're ready to transform your relationship. And you'd like to see if you're a fit to work with us. Here's what I want you to do. Next, head over to atouchofflavor.com/talk and book an appointment to speak with our team. We'll get on the phone with you for about an hour. And we'll get you crystal clear on three things. What's really not working in your relationships, what your dream relationships would look like and a step by step plan to close the gap and save your family even if nothing has worked before.

Josh 37:25
We talk with hundreds of non monogamous folks like you every year. And here's the truth, building loving, thriving relationships that doesn't happen on its own. You need expert guidance to make that happen. And unfortunately, when you were building relationships outside the box, that's impossible to find and we get it. But that's exactly what we do. We've helped clients all over the world, save their families, get the passion back and become fast friends again.

Cassie 37:50
So if you want to see if we can help you do the same head over to atouchofflavor.com/talk.

Cassie 37:57
I'm Cassie.

Josh 37:57
And I'm Josh. Let's talk soon.