Relationships Outside the Box

Relationship and dating advice for non-monogamous and kinky folks.

We're Transforming Relationships

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We’re Building Extraordinary Relationships In an Ordinary World

You have it all. You’re smart. You’re successful. You’re well on the way to having the lifestyle you’ve always pictured. And if you’re found this site, chances are that you’ve realized by now that the most important piece of that puzzle is your romantic relationships.

Maybe you’re non-monogamous and trying to figure out how to make your open relationships work. Maybe you’re struggling to balance your power exchange relationships and your everyday life. Maybe you’re single or the perpetual secondary, and you’re looking for incredible kinky partner(s) of your own. Or maybe you’re just looking to turn an average kinky relationship into an extraordinary and fulfilling one.

You’re not alone. Our romantic relationships are some of the most important things in our lives. And building awesome relationships takes constant work and growth. But unfortunately when you step outside of society’s norms, good relationship advice is hard to come by.

Here’s the thing: Having a different idea of what relationships look like doesn’t make you any less deserving of having relationships that you desire. You deserve happiness. And you deserve the best help you can get to help you build the extraordinary relationships that you’ve always dreamed of.

That’s why we’re here. Our team is made up of people like you. We understand your lifestyle and the unique challenges you face in trying to find love. We recognize that your gender and orientation may not fit into the “traditional” mold. And we’ve spent ten years helping people like you build extraordinary relationships in an ordinary world.

#022: How To Add A Third (Or Fourth) To Your Relationship

Today our partner Amanda is back in the studio and we’re answering questions from a listener’s polycule about how to navigate group poly. The topics we’re covering include: how to divide time and attention, tips on adding a third, (or fourth, or more) to your group, handling conflicts with multiple partners, advice on finding a unicorn or dragon, and more.

#016: Ask a Unicorn – Amanda Gets Her Own Episode

When did you know you were a unicorn? Where do you find good couples to date? What about a couple raises red flags, and what makes them stand out? What’s it like to have fiancés who run a podcast? In this episode, Cassie and Rigel’s partner Amanda makes her first ever...

#013: When Sex Drives Collide: Bridging the Desire Gap

Is your sex drive different than your partner(s)? A variety of studies estimate that one out of every three couples have a severe mismatch in the levels of their sexual desire. Here at TOF we believe there is a certain degree of desire gap in every relationship. These differences in sex drive can cause issues both inside and outside the bedroom. In this episode, Cassie and Rigel discuss ways to bridge the desire gap and ensure everyone’s needs are getting met. And, unlike most of the resources we found while researching this podcast, we’ve got more advice for you than: “suck it up.”

#006: How To Be a Kickass Poly Parent

Are you poly? Do you or your partner(s) have kids? If so, you’ve probably run into your share of questions: Should you tell your children about your partners? If so, when – and how – and how much? How do you explain the relationship to schools, and sports teams, and other family members? What do you do when a child is attached to a partner that you break up with? On today’s episode we’re going to answer these questions and more. Plus, we’ll discuss our three principles for being a kickass poly parent, and the impact that being out can have on your kids.

You’re Not Alone: Finding a Kinky Partner

Are you going to die kinky and lonely?

Finding a partner is hard enough in the vanilla world. But it can seem impossible in the kink world. You want to find a quality partner, but you want to find someone who meets your unique needs. It can be hard to know the best path because most of the information out there targets vanilla relationships.

If you find yourself asking yourself: What do I need to know before getting started? Do I have a better chance of meeting someone online or offline? Where do the kinky people hang out? How should I approach a potential partner?

Then this article is for you.

The Kinksters Guide to Negotiating a BDSM Scene

Consent is important. Super fucking important. In fact, it’s the one thing that differentiates BDSM from abuse.

The concept of consent isn’t hard. But as with anything the devil is in the details.

And when it comes to consent those details are in how we negotiate. Consent is a concept. But negotiation is how we put that concept into action.

We put this video together to teach you good negotiation skills. Watch it. Use it. Share it.

When Fairness Matters, and When It Doesn’t

We often hear the word “fair” used to describe our relationships. Our definition of fairness is often vague, because most of us use the word to describe a sort of ideal, healthy dating relationship without ever stopping to consider what “fair” actually means. Since we view it more as an ideal than a skill we never stop to consider what “fair” actually means. That’s a problem, because if you want to find, get, and keep quality partners, fairness is a skill you have to master.