how our polyamorous clients build thriving relationships

#040: Unwanted Compliments, Feeling Undateable, and Awkward Group Sex

We love all our listener questions! Today we tackle a bunch including a hardball question about our adoption plans, how to handle unwanted compliments after a scene, what to do when you feel undateable, ways to get your partner to open up and explore some kink, and why we encourage sex BEFORE marriage.

Rigel’s note: If anyone is familiar with the article I mention when answering the question at 8:23, I’d greatly appreciate if you forward it to me! I refer to this article regularly but I read it years ago and can’t locate it. Thanks!

Questions in this episode

  • What is the update on your adoption process, and why don’t you want to be a test case for poly adoption?
  • I’ve been playing with my husband for 5 years, and just went to my first BDSM party in a public space. People commented on my technique, and this made me feel awkward. What should I do?
  • Have you been complimented after a scene? If so, how did you handle it?
  • I’ve tried many different things, but I still feel undateable. I need touch, and I can’t pay for it all the time. What can I do?
  • I suffer from vulvodynia, and this often makes PIV sex uncomfortable or painful. This lead to my boyfriend feeling negative about sex. How do I have conversations with him and get him to open up?
  • How do I make group interactions where two people don’t interact sexually less complicated, specifically in a situation where two members of the group are trying to get pregnant?
  • I am a virgin Christian, and saving sex for marriage. Porn is my main outlet for sexual curiosity, and I like hardcore porn. What if it scares away my future wife?
  • How do you navigate conversations when Partner A wants a lot of info about your activities with Partner B, but Partner B is uncomfortable with the level of detail?

Resources Mentioned


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Over the last twelve years, we’ve helped polyamorous clients all over the world overcome their struggles and create thriving relationships. We’re here to answer one question: “How can you build the relationship(s) of your dreams, even if nothing has ever worked before?” If you want to know the answer, subscribe to our show and we’ll see you there.

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