The Dos and Don’ts of Going Downtown

Published: October 14, 2014 • Updated: June 21, 2016 • by monicaaaah

DO take your time/DON’T rush

Female pleasure, especially orgasm, is 90% mental.  She can absolutely sense a “rush job,” and a sense of urgency or pressure to come does not necessarily facilitate orgasms for most women.  Enthusiasm is always a good thing, but giving your partner the sense that you could spend all day between her legs will go a long way toward helping her relax and enjoy.  Start with long, languishing strokes and kisses, build your intensity slowly, and watch her go NUTS.


DON’T forget about the rest of her body

I tend to think of the male arousal experience as a lawnmower: You can pull the start cord and immediately get to work.  For many women, however, becoming aroused can be more like starting a classic car.  Warming up the engine may take a little longer, but once she’s up and running you can take her anywhere.

One of the biggest mistakes one can make with a female partner is going straight downtown with maybe a quick stop at the breasts.  Try starting an encounter by gently rubbing her arms, back, or neck.  Feel her legs, ass, hands, earlobes—I generally like to work from the extremities (hands and feet), in toward the torso, culminating in breast stimulation.  Then I go back to the same areas and work my way inward again before touching her vagina at all. Stimulating parts of her body that are not typically considered erogenous works toward building her excitement so that when you finally do stimulate her vagina the engine is revved and ready to go!  Once you’re there, remember to continue to incorporate her whole body into your continued play.  Grab, knead or massage her thighs and torso while you go down on her, or kiss and nibble her all over while you rub or finger her pussy.


DO tell her how amazing she is.

Feeling desirable and sexy is an important component in female sexual pleasure.  Taking a moment periodically to let her know how wonderful she looks, feels, smells, and tastes reinforces your connection and lets her know that you’re enjoying the experience as much as she is.  Really, who doesn’t want to be reminded of their own sexiness during sex?  This can also be a good transition into dirty talk if one or both of you is shy.


DO work her clitoris like a tiny, adorable penis

I’ve had the privilege of being the first female sexual partner of many women, and many expressed their concern or confusion about being able to please another lady, particularly regarding oral sex.  The advice I give is simple and always the same: If you think of a woman’s clitoris like a miniature penis, and stimulate it like you’ve stimulated your male partners’ genitalia, you’ll be just fine!  Anatomically speaking the clitoris is eerily similar to the glans of a penis (except with four to five times more nerve endings, more than any other body part on either gender).   Beyond rubbing the clit like a DJ, you can grab the area with your thumb and forefinger in a light pinch and “jerk her off.”  And when in doubt about how to dine on your lovely lady, or how to push her into climax when she’s hovering on the edge, pull back her labia, put your mouth on her clitoris, and suck.  She’ll love you for it.


DO pay attention to her reactions

Oral sex in particular is an experience that can go SO right or SO wrong.  One way to figure out how things are going is to listen and periodically look up.  When you first start snacking on her snatch, mix it up every few minutes and see what she does.  Go from long vertical strokes with your tongue to tiny flicking motions or kissing her pussy the way you do her mouth.  Try the age-old alphabet trick: write each letter with your tongue over her pussy.  Uppercase, lowercase, cursive, print; see what elicits an “Mmm” and what makes her go, “OHMYGOD!”  Make a mental note and revisit the moves that got the biggest reactions more and more.


DON’T try anything too out-of-the-box (without asking)

Experimentation is a wonderful thing.  It keeps your sex life interesting and fun, and for those practicing monogamy it is absolutely crucial.  However, if you’re following the aforementioned tips, worked your woman into a frenzy, and are trying to make her forget her own name, it may not be the best time to bust out that move you read about in a magazine or saw in porn.  You don’t want to ruin incredible encounter because you decided to try to stick a finger up her ass or see if rough body play is something she’d be into.  Wait until next time to pull that out of your bag of tricks, and only do so after the two of you have discussed it.


DO relax and have fun!

It is only sex, after all.  Try to lose yourself in the moment and enjoy yourself as much as possible.