Stepping into a kink-themed party or club for the first time ever can be pretty intimidating. I attended my first public event a little over three years ago with my husband and another couple. All three of which were excited to be there and ready to go as soon as things started.
I was on overload though. There were spanking benches, and winches, cages,
Pictures from September’s Touch of Flavor
Before entering the event we discussed the rules and etiquette that is expected of its attendees. We were ready to go and ready to play. But what we failed to discuss was how to handle the overwhelming feelings that can come along with entering into a kink event for the first time. And for me, it was a huge flood of so many different emotions. It was unlike anything I had experienced before. No one had told me what to do if I felt overwhelmed outside of actually playing.
I found myself aroused and curious, excited and scared all at once. The introvert inside wanted to stand in the corner and watch everything unfold. My husband/dom wanted to show me off for all to see. I lacked the words to vocalize how I was feeling at the time. I desired to be the good and proper submissive in public as I had been privately in our bedroom. Knowing his excitement, I did not want to disappoint him but was having trouble processing the new experiences.
It took almost an hour for us to realize that I was not in the moment as it were. My responses to my husband were lacking my usual enthusiasm. My posture had become very rigid as well. Due to this unexpected behavior from me, he stopped all activity, broke “character” and checked on me. After discussing what was happening we came to the realization that I was feeling overwhelmed. Once we came to that conclusion, I was able to relax and experience the event until I was comfortable and had processed it.
We slowed things down, took time to enjoy the event, walk around, and watch various activities. After I felt more comfortable with these new surroundings, I was able to relax and participate more freely. Before going to the events we all discuss the do’s and don’ts of participating, but it is not uncommon for people to have mixed emotions their first time and not be able to truly enjoy themselves until they are able to process their new environment. It’s just as important to vocalize how you are feeling outside of participating in kink activity, as it is when you are in it.
Attending your first play party can be a scary thing, but always remember that you don’t have to do anything you are not comfortable with. Perhaps the first few times you might just indulge in your voyeuristic side and use the activities you saw to fuel things in the bedroom. There’s nothing wrong with that. Taking baby steps is not a bad thing. The point of attending the event is to have fun and enjoy it the way that you are comfortable with it.