#013: When Sex Drives Collide: Bridging the Desire Gap

October 2, 2017

Is your sex drive different than your partner(s)?

(The answer is yes).

A variety of studies estimate that one out of every three couples have a severe mismatch in the levels of their sexual desire. And those are just the severe cases. Here at TOF we believe there is a certain degree of desire gap in every relationship. These differences in sex drive can cause issues both inside and outside the bedroom.

In this episode, Cassie and Rigel discuss ways to bridge the desire gap and ensure everyone’s needs are getting met. And, unlike most of the resources we found while researching this podcast, we’ve got more advice for you than: “suck it up.”

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Resources Mentioned:

Show Notes:

00:03:38 All relationships have a desire gap.
00:06:30 Spontaneous vs responsive desire.
00:09:32 Polycules have desire gaps too.
00:11:44 Sex drives change with the weather.
00:13:31 Differences in amount vs kinds of sex.
00:14:24 Everyone lies about how horny they are.
00:16:45 How to figure out sexual compatibility early on.
00:21:54 Rigel’s realization that good sex doesn’t make someone hornier.
00:26:40 Masterbation as an indicator of future sex drive.
00:29:02 Sex is more than orgasms.
00:32:46 Ways to bridge the desire gap.
00:36:05 Blaming and shaming your partner aren’t helpful.
00:36:55 The importance of compromise.
00:39:44 How Cassie and Rigel bridge the gap with their partner.
00:40:55 BDSM play and sex drives.
00:43:17 Getting a responsive-desire partner turned on.
00:44:11 YOU’RE responsible for learning what turns you on.
00:48:42 Making sex a priority (and scheduling it).
00:55:55 Seeing your partner’s point of view.
00:58:24 How non-monogamy can bridge the cap..
01:01:33 The DesireMap – Cassie’s secret weapon.
01:09:37 Options when all else fails.

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