how our polyamorous clients build thriving relationships

Dancing Naked In The Kitchen

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How much can a relationship change in ten weeks?

Just ask Rach and Chel.

Rach and Chel were caught in a depressing cycle. They were arguing all the time. They were hardly intimate. There was no affection. They didn’t think they could go any further. Their 10-year relationship was close to done.

So how did they get from the edge of disaster to dancing naked in the kitchen (and dating a triad) in a matter of weeks?

We’ll let them tell you. 😎


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Josh 0:00
All right, everybody. So today we're going to be talking to our clients, Rach, and Chell about how they went from just these depressing cycles of arguing and lack of affection and feeling like a roommate, to a point where they're dancing naked in the kitchen together. So they are awesome humans. Their story is fantastic. It's really gonna be great for you. So stay tuned.

Cassie 0:43
Here at Touch of Flavor, we teach non monogamous folks how to overcome their obstacles and build thriving relationships.

Josh 0:49
This podcast is about answering one question, how do you create loving, passionate, secure relationships outside the box? Even if nothing has ever worked before? If you want to know the answer, you are in the right place.

Cassie 1:02
All of this information is 100% free, so please subscribe to and review our podcasts.

Josh 1:12
Okay, cool. All right. So let's hop back in. Now I'm going to have to not trying to think about what I was saying either. All right. So today we are talking with Rach and Chell, two of our Mr. superheroes who just graduated. When did you when did you to graduate? How long ago? Was it now? Like a month? Is that about right? Maybe a little longer?

Rach 1:31
I think it's actually been more like two and a half. Because six weeks ago since we have COVID. So it's been...

Chel 1:37

Josh 1:38
Yeah, well, seems like wow, that's just crazy. How time flies? It seems like yesterday. Well, go ahead.

Cassie 1:45
Yeah, cuz some of the folks who graduated like last week, were like their first week was your graduating week. So somewhere in there. Yeah, that makes sense.

Josh 1:58
That's great. Well, it has been like it was great watching you to kind of thrive through the course. You know, we've been it's just funny. One of the things I love about how we do this, and part of the group environment is you know, people get to watch people in front of them. And, you know, we still have like, some of the people are still in, we're like, there when you were there, you know, and they're just kind of getting towards the end themselves. And they're, like, still talking about you too, which is awesome. Well, it's cool, right? Like, you get to be in a spot where you watch other people having that success in their relationships. And then you know, it gives you something to everybody wants to know, like, like everyone wants to see that progress.

Chel 2:36

Josh 2:36
So.. go ahead, Cassie.

Cassie 2:39
I was gonna say it gives you-- it's funny, because you know, as like the the non monogamy coaches were always like, "Don't compare, right? Don't compare relationships." But it does give a contrast for folks, right, like, Oh, I get to see someone's relationship at this level. That's a possibility for me, right? It's not a silly comparison. But that contrast of like, wow, other people are making this stuff work. And that's one of the beautiful things that I feel like, our program kind of gives people is that insight.

Josh 3:10
Yeah. So tell us about you too. Like how long have you been together? How'd you meet? What's your family look like?

Rach 3:23
We met at work about 10 years ago, and my ex husband actually works there too. We share a 16 year old son that do 50 And he has since remarried so everybody's happy everybody gets along. So that's a good thing. And 10 years is the longest relationship Chel's ever been in

Chel 3:44
And I've had many.

Josh 3:46
I'm not sure I knew that your ex husband works at the same place. I'm not actually sure I knew that.

Rach 3:52
Mine does yeah.

Josh 3:52
Your's does? Wow.

Rach 3:56
It's lovely it really is.

Josh 3:58
That's good though if you're gonna be doing it you want to be getting along in a lovely way right?

Chel 4:05
It's the same building on top of it we're all very close to each other.

Josh 4:10
And was it like like origin story was like eyes met like locked across the workspace that it like... what kind of drew you to to each other in all seriousness?

Rach 4:18
So I knew that I was ready for a divorce and I once I decided that I was ready all of a sudden she's in my purview. So we had to go through the divorce and things like that, but we it was kind of like an instant attraction with her she already worked there two years I never noticed her until I was ready to end my my marriage and then all of a sudden, okay, but I've always been in relationship, long relationship with men prior. So she's really my only real relationship I've ever had with a woman and...

Chel 4:57
And I was But someone at the time. And we tried to do this all together. But my ex tried it out for about a month or six weeks. And she's like, I'm out. I wish you guys have been around then. At work, she's like, no doubt. So she moved out, Rach moved in.

Rach 5:19
And that was a big thing for me. Because when Rachel, I said, I, you know, I don't want to break you guys up. And she said, this has kind of happened to me most of my life is that I'm with someone, and I'm very in love with that person. But I need another person and I fall in love with them, too. And I just never knew what that was. And she said to me, Are you up for that? And I said, wow, I've never considered that. But I absolutely think I can do that. So let's give it a go. And so when we entered this relationship, we entered it as being open. And from the very getgo. And we like, we we really didn't do much, though, all these years except swinging and, you know, friends with benefits and things like that. But after a while, it just got very empty. And that's when we really thought that polyamory would be a better future for us. And we wanted to pursue that. But at the time before MOR, we were not in a good place ourselves and would not have been good to do so prior to the the MOR for sure.

Chel 6:20
And so...

Josh 6:21
Oh, go ahead, Chel. Sorry.

Chel 6:23
Oh, no, go ahead.

Josh 6:26
You know, and so I asked everybody, that's right. And you only have to go into it as as deep as you're comfortable. It's different for everybody. You know, obviously, you know, there are a lot of people out there, you know, watching this or whatever, right there in that kind of what was it Jessica-- the struggle bus! They're on the struggle bus.

Cassie 6:42
Struggle bus.

Josh 6:43
Right. And so for you to like, you know, you mentioned that things weren't going well, even just between, like you two and what you had? And can you talk a little more about that, like, Where were you at, where was your relationship at? You know, at the point where you decided to start looking for help?

Unknown Speaker 7:00
That bus was about ready to go off the road. It was.. we were close to done, because we just couldn't find a way to understand each other, to communicate with each other, to put things in the past, it was..

Rach 7:16
And ask for what we need, and it became a cycle that you can't really get out of unless you have help.

Chel 7:22
For sure.

Rach 7:23
We didn't think we were going to be able to go further and argued all the time we had, we were hardly intimate. No affection just was not a good place.

Josh 7:35
And what was it I know it's looking back a little bit and again, you know, you don't have to go into as much as you're comfortable with but like, you know, with you to like what was kind of the the impact that was having on you two, just day to day like being in that spot where the affection was in there where you two were struggling?

Chel 7:52
It was it was depressing. You just feel like you can't get out of this place that you're in and it just keeps cycling and cycling. And it makes you feel like you're not enjoying life anymore. I personally, if I'm not in a happy place, I don't work out, I don't eat well. And so it was just a disaster.

Rach 8:14
It was.

Josh 8:15
I hate listen, I hate taking people back there after they made it. Well, you know, one thing that we hear over and over again, for people hearing these stories is like they're there. Right? And like, it's something where they're like holy hell like there can be that much of a change from that place or like you know, I'm not eating like I'm gonna... like we don't see a path right to where there is something new and that's the only reason I asked this question is like I said, I almost hate taken back like once we made this kind of progress, but..

Chel 8:44
It was a huge leap for us. We just didn't think it was possible. I've been in couples therapy before that's the quickest way to end your relationship is to go to couples therapy.

Rach 8:56
It doesn't work.

Chel 8:58
You find out how much this isn't going to work, it's a bad idea.

Josh 9:04
So what did you... How did you two try to start it because a lot of people have tried couples therapy whenever like what had you see like how long have you gone like do to go together? Like what was that? Or was that something you did before?

Chel 9:16
It was something well I did before I knew the road to break up so we didn't even think about that. I think we tried some..

Rach 9:26
We tried doing some...

Chel 9:28

Rach 9:28
Exercises of you know, listening and communication. But none of the tools were really..

Chel 9:36
Helpful or lasting

Rach 9:38
Or lasting. Right.

Josh 9:41
And for you Chel like it just so just taking you back to that because you obviously have it it's funny how many people get on here really strong couples therapy opinions. What for you like what you said like that was a path to breakup. I know it wasn't necessarily your two's relation, but like what was it for you that happened in that process where you're like, I'm not doing that shit again.

Chel 9:56
Because it was probably three or maybe two or three times that I did that with previous partners. And someone is always in and the other person is out, and you find out really quickly who's in and who's out. And once that is made clear, it just, you just both diverge and go, This isn't gonna work. So that's, that's basically all I ever found out in therapy.

Rach 10:23
But we knew before going in this program that we wanted to stay together, we wanted to do everything it took to do that. We just couldn't get out of that cycle of not good every day. It was that was really hard.

Cassie 10:35
So, let me ask, why was it so important for the two of you to fix your relationship? Like, whatwas that big driver?

Chel 10:47
Well, we knew that we'd loved each other. And we, in everything that we do otherwise, other than our interpersonal relationship, we excel at we've worked well, together, we do. We have no household issues, none of that we've never had to, well, we've worked through that in the beginning, but we don't have any of that anymore. It's, it's just very easy, but it was the interpersonal stuff, we just couldn't, we couldn't get past.

Rach 11:17
And it was easy to be a roommate, you know, and that's kind of where we had gotten at that point. And we didn't want that. That's not we wanted to be good, just like everything else. And you know, our friends noticed it. And when we told them, we were going through this program, and in the first few weeks how they already noticed a difference between us. And so it does affect everyone around you affects your child, it affects your friends and you know, affects your work. So it was a big deal.

Josh 11:49
And so like, How did you two want to running across us? I genuinely don't remember like, how do you do you want to finding us?

Chel 11:56
I saw something that you. I don't know how I saw you guys in particular. Somehow you popped up onto my Facebook.

Rach 12:07
We've been on that Touch of Flavor Facebook site for a long time.

Chel 12:12

Rach 12:13

Chel 12:14
So you guys put up that video about about MOR. And I was listening to it and reading it. And I, I sent it to Rachel, I'm like, would you take a look at this? Would you consider it? And she goes, Yeah, let's-- We gotta do something. And let's, let's give it a try. So that's when we called you, Josh.

Josh 12:36
I remember that conversation. And, you know, one thing I remember about it was you too, like number one, obviously the loud right? But you too got to a place where like, a lot of our clients are right, which is, you know, you're kind of at that precipice, like a reaction to do this. Are we going to invest in making a change here? Are we really going to like believe in each other and take this next step? Right? Or are we not? I'm just curious for you to, right, because, you know, for you to I don't know, what was like internal states or discussion that you had. But what was kind of the thing we were like, now, we're going to take this step for ourselves, like, what was the thing with that for you, two.

Chel 13:10
It was a big investment, we will admit, but we were so desperate, and we wanted so much to succeed. And after speaking with you, and after seeing your videos on Facebook, we were like, that's something here.

Rach 13:28
And of course, you're skeptical at first, you know, especially when you get to a place that you're we were in at that time. But we knew in just the first two weeks that this was going to be great. And that this was the real deal that you guys really know what you're talking about, and you know, what you're doing and the tools that you put out for us. It I know, it's all well thought out, I know you're taking a long time to get to this point.

Josh 13:54
When I looked at you two, put that out, right? Because there is always that...

Josh 14:03
Anytime we're looking at we're making a big shift, right, you know, I like I like talking to people that you know, really the biggest enemy, you know, because everybody has the intention of changing their relationship, right? If you were in that place, like nobody wants to be a roommate, nobody wants to be unhappy. Nobody wants to lose, you know, this 10 year relationship. Right. So everybody has that intention. But, you know, I was it was funny, I was talking to one of our friends who's a coach a little while back, and she said, You know, I judge commitment not based on words, but based on actions, right, like, it's easy to say things it's another thing to do things and, but that that really is always so there's always like that, that bridge of fear, right? Like there's what we want over here. And then there's, you know, stepping over the uncomfortable thing of it we want to do and that that fear is always like either Well, this isn't gonna work, right? Or we're not going to be able to do this, right. It's like we don't know if we can come out the other side, after all that we've been through. And so you took that step which was awesome. Right and like, what was you said you got to in first couple weeks started doing things like what was the most exciting thing that you wound up doing or implementing right off the bat?

Chel 15:12
You know.

Rach 15:14
Day zero.

Chel 15:15
Day Zero.

Rach 15:16
Day Zero is a big deal to us. Because it's so easy when you're in arguments to bring up things that are bothering you from the past or even last week. And that when you say that doesn't matter anymore started day zero. That changed everything for us almost instantly.

Cassie 15:36
So you said almost instantly. So what what changes? Did you notice almost immediately, what were those changes for you that you saw shift?

Rach 15:45
We didn't have a reason to argue.

Cassie 15:49
Okay, that's a big one. Well, on the other side of not having a reason, argue what benefit? Did you see out of that, though, right, like, and I think that's--

Josh 16:00
What changed day to day?

Cassie 16:01
Yeah, like, what changed between the two of you and your interactions? When, when that shift happened?

Chel 16:08
Well, it's an immediate cycle breaker right there. And you get a break from this continual arguing about things. And so you can just kind of just do a sigh of relief, and kind of do a reset. And I think, for me, personally, I wasn't sure that Rachel wouldn't just kind of go through the motions and not be committed to this. And she jumped right in there. We were on those those lessons. immediately. As soon as we got them, we were doing them at work.

Rach 16:43
Every Monday.

Chel 16:50
They were on on it.

Rach 16:52
And we were both very committed, I think that, you know, if you're not, no program is gonna work for you. If you don't put in the effort, if you're not coachable, like you said, and if you're not willing to commit, but we were, we were all in from day one. And I think that made all the difference.

Josh 17:09
Well, I did and you too. And that's the thing, right? You two showed up that way from day one. I'm not saying that you didn't have some bumps like everybody does. But you're not going to fix what your relationship has been for years and years without those bumps. But you two did you showed up all in like you did the work. And I think most importantly, like you two were really committed to each other and that process, right and to seeing this through and you showed up not just like, be grudgingly with each other about I guess we're gonna have to do the work that you do actually showed up. And you did it. And that made a big difference. So

Cassie 17:49
Awesome. So with, you know, we kind of talked about where you were, and sort of the the first couple weeks of the process for you. So where are you now like today? What is your relationship look like?

Rach 18:07
It looks like it looks like when we were first together in a lot of ways, and we're intimate all the time, we're affectionate. And now that we are seeing outside of us the triad that we've been kind of seeing and actually putting in, we really are looking at a poly relationship with them. We're seeing how it develops, we're not sure where it's gonna go. But and we have trust and we have just so much more love and emotion toward each other than emptiness that we had before. We just could not connect and, and also communication. Oh my gosh, that's the biggest one. I don't know why I didn't even think of that. That is the biggest one for us is we are actually checking in with one another, the checking in Is it a big deal, right? It is a big deal.

Chel 18:54
How you doing, where you going?

Rach 18:55
How are you doing? Anything going on with you anything you want to talk about? And we've been talking nonstop about feelings and about wants and needs. And we never did that before. Even I think even our whole relationship we've never really communicated that well. I know we didn't.

Chel 19:18
You just get in a mode and you don't realize what the other person is thinking about or they don't express it to you. And you're like, I had no idea this was going on this whole time. And you know, when you get down into it, you're like gee, we didn't really know each other for 10 years because we didn't discuss these things. So it's been great.

Rach 19:40
If you think you do anything you think there's nothing else in this entire world that I don't know about you after 10 years but you know what it can be renewed and it's like a new relationship now almost it's really fun.

Josh 19:56
I'm not letting scate on that Chel you mainly let Rach answer that question for you like, What's the best thing about where you two are at now?

Chel 20:05
I felt for a long, long time very distant from Rachel and I'm a person who needs a lot of physical affection. And so the more we got distant, the less affection I got, and the more upset that I got. And we've come to a point where that's all back, just like it was in the very beginning. And like, who's, where's that person I met? You know, where is she? And she always said, well, that's just not really the person I am. And I'm like, it's got to be more than that. But as we work through this, she's like, Yeah, I can do this. I can be affectionate. I can give you what I need. And, and we I had to find things that she needed. And we have just been very giving about it. And now, we have that affection back. I told you we were dancing naked in the kitchen last night, it was fuckin' great.

Josh 21:01
I said, I told you that I feel like I would have remembered if you told me that. I'm like the audio must have been cut out or something, that's not something that would have slipped my mind. That's awesome of you two.

Chel 21:14
What is it? The greatest showmen? What's that song?

Rach 21:17
Oh, right. Um..

Chel 21:19
Reach for for it-- no, changing the stars.

Rach 21:22
Changing the stars. Something like that, but it was just really cute. It was just reminded us of how much we did change and how good it can be, when we had given up hope prior.

Josh 21:36
Well, and you know, the thing that I love, right, is that, so we did have some trouble connecting, like, if you were sick. And then, you know, we had, we had a couple things. And you know, one of the things that I think is great for you to write because a lot of times like, you know, we're talking to people and you know, it might be closer to when they graduated. Sometimes not, it depends on the person. But you know, for you to what's great is you two have at this point, been graduated as long as you were in, right and the you're still here. And the reason that I like that is because you know, it's just a demonstration to you to that you two have the tools to continue doing that, right? Like it's not something that has to fade, it doesn't have to stop when you're out of the room, like none of that, right like you two have the tools and the abilities to continue that, which is awesome.

Chel 22:28
And we're going to continue to go back over it just like you guys said that you do that like once a year or whatever, it's good to keep revisiting it, it's easy to forget, it's easy to kind of go back into old habits. And and when we start to do that, I'll go back and read what I wrote and like, go back there and get my act together again. And so it's good. That's good to have that. And I have to say, you guys astonish me every day, because any question anyone has ever asked you, you have an answer for I can't believe it.

Rach 23:03
Not just an answer.

Chel 23:04
But a good answer.

Rach 23:06
That makes total sense that it because somebody would ask some question in one of the phone calls and I'm sitting there, how would I answer that? And you come up with what you know, from all your training? And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's so much better.

Chel 23:21
We just don't even think that way. And so we're just amazed that every time you you guys have a possible or many solutions to whatever the question was that was asked, and it just kills me.

Cassie 23:37
Well, thank you. And, you know, it is an honor to be able to help people with their relationships, like it really is to be able to do that. And that's awesome. And so I'm curious, what are you most excited about now, now that your relationship is where it is that you have you are dancing naked in the kitchen, you're doing these things? Like, what are you most excited about? For, you know, the continued future forward?

Josh 24:07
With each other?

Rach 24:09
With each other?

Cassie 24:10

Chel 24:11
Well, I just want to keep it going.

Rach 24:12
You know, I think one of the things that in all of our talking is that she that Chel really voiced to me that was extremely important to her was security, knowing that I'm not gonna go anywhere, knowing that I'm in it for the rest of our lives, knowing that she can always count on me being here and that is absolutely what I want to continue for her because that I didn't really understand through how much that was a big deal to her until, like I said, all these talks that we had and, and she just needs to know that I'm not going anywhere. And I'm not and I know she's not so so it's all good.

Chel 24:52
We've kind of talked a lot about some childhood and adolescent things that we had, I had very emotionally distant parents. And she had a very strict adolescent life where she wasn't allowed to go anywhere, do anything. And what means a lot to her is to have freedom to be able to do things that she wants to do. And we've just recently sort of figured that part of a puzzle out where we can go, Okay, this is what I need to give you, so that you have what you need. And this is how I'm going to be okay with that. So support me in this way. And we can do this together.

Rach 25:37
And just knowing that, we're good, and we're gonna have a great future together, whether it's, you know, we're relationships with other people or not, we're just kind of taking that as it goes. But what matters is we're great. And if something comes along, we know that that'll be great, too. Because we can communicate what we want and what we need during those times and means the world to me. It does.

Chel 26:00
We know, it'll be challenging at points, and we're looking forward to meeting those challenges with things that work, tools that work.

Josh 26:11
And let me ask you this, too, because you know, we've we've spent really this this conversation focused on you two, which is honestly, I think, to us was always the big, the big concern of the big success we wanted you two to have right? But real quick, because, you know, we kind of brushed on this at the beginning. I know as far as the non monogamy and where that had stood. So correct me if I'm wrong. But that had been in place for like you two had been kind of swinging kind of open. But the polyamory was something that like one or both of you really wanted to explore, and weren't comfortable exploring at the time. Was that right? Like before all that?

Chel 26:48
Well, when we got together, I was with my ex, I was in love with her. We'd been together seven years. I met Rach, and she just-- she was after me. I'm like, Well, you know, and I have done this in so many other relationships where I was in love with somebody and I met somebody else. And I'm like, Oh, I love them, too. And I, I said to Rach him, where can you do this? And she said, I don't know. I've never done it before. But I don't know why not. And I put that up with my current partner. And she's like, I'll try it for a little while. And after about six weeks, she was like, I can't I can't deal with jealousy. I'm out. So we entered this in the mindset of being poly. And we haven't done that most of the time that we've been together. But...

Rach 27:43
Yeah, it just, it never really worked out that way. Not that we didn't want it. We just didn't meet people that it would work out. And we didn't really spend a lot of time seeking that out either. And now we're really open to that. And she actually...

Chel 27:58
We didn't try very hard.

Rach 27:59
Now we didn't.

Chel 28:00
But I just talked to somebody on Facebook. I'm like, Oh, I love what you know what you said, I like the things that you post. And he's like, Oh, meet us at this thing. It'll be fun. And we just clicked with these people instantaneouly.

Rach 28:11
Yes, it's a husband, a wife and a girlfriend. They all have a home together. And they've been together with the girlfriend for six years. And they are really fun people. And we've very much connected with them. They're a lot of fun.

Chel 28:24
And they have the Google schedule down.

Rach 28:27
Yes they do.

Josh 28:30
For you, too, right? Like, I'm just curious that like, what, what was it that you know, like being in the spot where you're much more comfortable, right? Not just in your twos relationship, but in your twos ability to actually like handle these other relationships coming in without that hurting? You know, what you two have done, right? I guess how much more fun is that making this journey now being able to explore without like having those other worries in the background?

Chel 28:56
It is a lot of fun. It's just like this big spiderweb. Because Dave, who's part of this, this triad, he's always out there looking for the next person. And we're like, well, we're gonna put in our order, and you could do it for us. He's like, okay. He's on there all the time.

Rach 29:18
Because, you know, since he has his wife and girlfriend, and then we've kind of entered the picture, he's like, I'm tired.

Chel 29:25
He's like, there's gotta be another guy out there.

Rach 29:32
It's just too much. And they weren't looking for us, either. They were they were looking for another couple or bisexual male because he's bisexual. And we just happen to fall in their lap and they're like, what, how did they put it? We're smitten by you. All three of them just kind of started out that way. But we have a lot of fun here that we really do. It's been a ton of fun.

Josh 29:55
So happy for you two. That's just fantastic. Like just the shift is just...

Cassie 30:01
And I just want to say cuz you know, one of the things from like our first call, you were like, I just, I don't think there's going to be people are aids anyway. It's really hard to find anybody to date or connect with.. and I was like, you're fine. You're fine.

Rach 30:25
Pretty sure you're okay.

Cassie 30:26
It's like, you're fine, you'll find people, it's fine.

Josh 30:31
So let me ask this, you too. So like I said, your transformation has been amazing. And, you know, I always just like to ask if, you know, because there are plenty of other people out there who are going to be watching this video, right? Who are in that place, kind of where you two were right, where they don't know if it's going to work. Right. And they feel like they've fallen apart. And they feel like roommates and they are arguing they they don't, maybe they have tried other things. Right. And and it hasn't worked and they don't know a path. But just, you know, for the people who are there, like, if you had like one thing you could tell them, you know, what would it be? It could be anything. There's not like a set answer.

Rach 31:15
I would say that, you know, be committed and, and really...

Chel 31:20
Trust in the process.

Rach 31:21
Trust in the process, and use the tools and listen and communicate, and just really open up to your partner if you hadn't in a long time. And just lay it all out there.

Chel 31:33
And reach out to you guys when you're when you're struggling. Because you always are there to help. And that meant the world to us. When we got in a stuck spot. As you well know even part of that I think it was a month into it. We had a pretty bad bout. And we're like, we don't know if we can do this. And we reached out and you guys just reached out back and helped us out of that spot. Yeah, it was a big deal.

Josh 32:00
So that was amazing. And let me ask this because that sounded to me like that was like people who are currently in the course. And we're absolutely we will actually take this and throw it in there too. Because we do do that sometimes we have clients are saying stuff like this, like, Here are people who have been successful, make sure you're listening to what they say. And that's amazing. But let me let me just adjust the question a little but like for people who aren't here like they aren't, you know, they aren't working with us, right? Like just like, what is it you want them to know? Would it be that there's hope? Would it be that there's like, what would it be for you two?

Chel 32:37
I don't know, I'm gonna say that. I just don't think people realize that there is hope and that there is an answer to these problems. You guys should teach this in high school, I swear to God, people don't know how to do any of this. None of us knew how to do any of this. And if if we had started when we were young, we would probably have successful relationships. And I think this is something everyone should know. It's helpful to everyone.

Rach 33:08
Just have the communication tools, have the communication tools. Seriously, that is just the biggest thing for us. You know, you think that you know a person. And if you don't, if you don't really get in there and ask the right questions and be able to talk about the things that are really deep down inside of your needs and things like that. It's a big deal. But people need to know that even if you feel like there's no hope whatsoever, and you're ready to just call it quits this program...

Chel 33:40
There's a way out.

Rach 33:40
There's a way and you guys have or you've done it all you have. And I understand that you've had years and years of training. Well, it shows it shows that you there's hope no matter what.

Josh 33:56
That's beautiful. And just you know, I would say anybody watching this wants to talk about that and getting that kind of help and to see if there's hope, and go to forward/talk. We'll drop a link on this. I think we're putting the video together but like, find a time on our calendar, grab it up, we'll chat at the same conversation you two had, right and see where you're at and what a path forward looks like for that. Right? You two been amazing. Like, seriously, it's been so much fun. And we're going to enjoy continuing to see you two grow. So anything else Cassie?

Cassie 34:35
No, I was just gonna say it's been awesome to see the growth that has happened and now being able to like check up on you on Facebook and see all the adorable cute things that you're doing. And it's been a joy and a pleasure. And thank you for coming here and sharing your story with everybody.

Rach 34:52
Well, thank you guys.

Chel 34:53
Thank you. bottom of our hearts.

Rach 34:57
I'm gonna cry.

Cassie 35:01
Don't do that, that'll do that to me.

Josh 35:06
So we can call that a wrap you to seriously like I said, just and it's been so beautiful watching you two. And it's funny and I wasn't gonna I wasn't gonna say this on our...

Cassie 35:17
Like actual recording.

Josh 35:18
Yeah, on the actual record but, you know, I've listened to that first call of yours a couple of times, right? You know, I do sometimes go back through some of these calls, you know we have with people and just to see how far you two have come since then. It's just like, it's beautiful. Like, really it is I need to it wasn't by accident. Right. You know, like I said, I mean, I know we have the support and we know how to do this. But you two showed up every single day. Right? And you showed up with each other and you took advantage of it. You made it work for you. And it's just been, like I said, it's been absolutely amazing.

Cassie 35:51
And you've been incredibly inspiring other people like I know you overlapped with John and Laura who graduated.

Josh 35:57
John and Lisa.

Cassie 35:57
Oh, sorry. Yeah, I'm getting my John's. We have so many John and Ls names. We have a bunch of people who are John, Laura, John, Lisa. Anyway, so John and Lisa. Yeah. They like the last several weeks for like, like the Rachel's. Like, like John and Lisa, which is it's awesome. Because like they've graduated, and now we've got people who came in behind them who are like, like John and Lisa.

Rach 36:29
I hope they're doing well. We did connect with them.

Josh 36:32
They're doing well. Yeah, they're going really well. I think they're in a bit of a transition. I think they're coming back here for Uplift pretty soon, I think is the plan. But they're doing yeah, they're doing great together. And they were just so like, they I just I love them. Because you know, there's people like you. And like them. Let me put it this way. There's a lot of people who are really committed and who do really well, right, and who really changed their relationship, but they don't necessarily bring a lot to the group. Right? It's not good, bad or indifferent. It's just you know, how they're interacting there. But you two, and like John and Lisa were other ones but like, you know, just just like the questions that that you brought, and they brought and you know, celebrations at all, we really get it really just...

Cassie 37:18
And cheering other people on, like just that the whole, like, we really appreciate it. But yeah, they're doing great. And it's not anything that she hasn't posted in the Facebook group as far as celebrations. So I'm not like, but her boyfriend came and stayed the weekend with them.

Rach 37:34
Oh wow, awesome.

Cassie 37:36
Yeah, yeah, just like two weeks ago, and it like went perfectly well. It's posted. It's posted in the celebrations. But yeah, I was like, that is awesome. So yeah, they're doing fabulous. It's super cool to watch. So, you know.

Rach 37:50
We do have, I could count four couples, instantly that could really use this program. And, and we trying to talk him into it. But people are very hesitant also, you know, the investment and things like that. I think it could have helped another couple not even divorced and I wish they would do that. But..

Josh 38:12
So yeah, let me let me talk to you about that for a minute. If you're open to it, right. You two have always been like super awesome, like ambassadors like that. And it's amazing. And like, I love that commitment from you, too. So let me tell you from personal experience, one thing that we found, so you know, we're in you know, obviously, we have coaches, right. And we, over the years have, like, brought a few people into them. And one thing that we found in that is that, you know, sometimes part of the challenge becomes like, when you are too close to the people, it kind of becomes like a conversation that they almost kind of like tune you out on and it's hard to have them so my parents were a great example of this, right?

Cassie 38:48
Oh my gosh.

Josh 38:49
My parents. So like, my mom, my mother is a coach. She...

Cassie 38:58
Completely different kind of coach.

Josh 38:59
Completely different kind of coach, she works with like adopted kids who are like...

Cassie 39:04
Emotionally sensitive.

Josh 39:07
And so anyways, but like I spent like, a year and a half. Like, what are you doing? Like your business is falling apart. Like, you know, you need help, like, I have these people like they're awesome. Like, we know it firsthand. And like, they just didn't do anything. And finally, like I was talking to one of the coaches there, I was like, I'm beating my head on the wall with these people. Like I like, my parents. I'm like, I just like they're sitting here like nothing's working. And they know it's not working and like he's like, Why do you keep trying to convince them he's like, just introduce us and let me talk to them. And I was like, oh. So, anyways, so what we found out in the past with folks is like, if you have people that are there, sometimes the easiest thing to do is just like, connect us in like a Facebook thread or something like Hey, Josh is like, you know, and let us kind of chat and we might have better luck because people like I said like when they know you they kind of like tune that shit out. Half the time.

Cassie 40:01
Like, it's good to be like, you know, this thing worked for me, this was great. But like beyond that, yeah, I, I have to give it to Matt because that was Matt who said this, because I had the same situation with, you know, I have friends that I've been friends with for, like 24 years now. Um, so like, they've known me for a long time. And they're dance instructors, and I was like, referring them to different, you know, business, our coaches or business coaches on how to set your business up, you know, and I was like, you know, they can help you set up, you know, your business stuff, learn how to code and learn how to coach around it and everything. And they were like, Nah, and I was like, what, like, during COVID? Like, because they were in person instructors. And I was like, you know, they were doing some online, there. Yeah, they were doing some like online stuff. But they didn't know how to sell online. They've never done that they did it through wedding venues, and like, things like that. And I was like, like, you've done some stuff. Like, we took some of their classes, their dance classes, and I was like, Hey, let me like, refer you. No.. So I finally was just like, here's this person who can help you set up your business, for online teaching. And so yeah, like, it's sometimes you know..

Josh 41:22
I think we're friends on Facebook, like you find yourself in that position. Just be like, hey, like, I have a friend who can help with this. And like I said, just just kind of introduce us. And that works a lot better a lot of times, so feel free to do that.

Rach 41:32
We'll sure try. We will, we'll sure try.

Josh 41:34
Go that route with it. But I do appreciate your two's passion for like trying to help other people out. So that's, that's been a cool thing to watch as well.

Cassie 41:45
I actually have to have I have a call at 2:15.

Josh 41:47
Okay, I've got one coming up too. Like I said, it's been amazing. Don't be strangers, you know, keep applying the stuff, stay in momentum. Stay active, like keep doing what you're doing. And we're here for you two. Okay.

Cassie 41:59
Make sure show up for the momentum calls. And that stuff. I don't think we saw you on the last one. So hopefully, we'll see you next time. And if you can't make it, they are recorded.

Rach 42:07
We're on the last one. And we just didn't have input. I have them on my calendar, though. So we'll be there. Yeah.

Josh 42:19

Rach 42:19
Alright. Thank you guys.

Josh 42:20
Thank you so much. Bye!

Chel 42:22

Rach 42:22

Josh 42:29
Thanks for tuning into today's show. We release new episodes every week. So make sure to subscribe

Cassie 42:35
If you're ready to transform your relationship and you'd like to see if you're a fit to work with us. Here's what I want you to do. Next, head over to and book an appointment to speak with our team. We'll get on the phone with you for about an hour. And we'll get you crystal clear on three things. What's really not working in your relationships, what your dream relationships would look like and a step by step plan to close the gap and save your family even if nothing has worked before.

Josh 43:02
We talk with hundreds of non monogamous folks like you every year. And here's the truth, building loving, thriving relationships that doesn't happen on its own. You need expert guidance to make that happen. And unfortunately, when you are building relationships outside the box, that's impossible to find and we get it. But that's exactly what we do. We've helped clients all over the world, save their families, get the passion back and become best friends again.

Cassie 43:26
So if you want to see if we can help you do the same head over to I'm Cassie.

Josh 43:34
And I'm Josh. Let's talk soon.