8 Polyamory Tips For 2022

Josh 0:00
All right, so hello, hello everybody, happy 2022 And today, we're going to be laying out the eight biggest polyamory tips that we learned coaching dozens of non monogamous clients this past year. So we're gonna lay all of that out for you here today. Stay tuned.

Cassie 0:38
Here at Touch of Flavor we teach non monogamous folks how to overcome their obstacles and build thriving relationships.

Josh 0:44
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Cassie 0:57
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Josh 1:07
Alright, so Cassie is unfortunately, quite under the weather today. But we wanted to get an episode, get some great information out to you folks. So I'm going to be running with you today. And one of the really cool things about doing what we do and working professionally full time just with non monogamous folks, helping them heal their relationships and overcome their challenges and build them up into something amazing is that every year, we get to work with dozens and dozens and dozens of non monogamous clients like one on one. And we get to have hundreds and hundreds more almost like I think 1000 This last year of like one on one conversations with people about what the challenges are and what's going on in their relationship. And that's outside of just all the interactions we have with folks in our Facebook group through the show with you and everything else.

Josh 1:58
And so we get to see a lot of the trends that are going on, a lot of the things that are currently popping up where people are running into problems right now in their non monogamy. And every year, it just refreshes for us either we learned some new things, or it refreshes for some old things that we knew were really important. But maybe over time, we haven't thought of as much. And so we were looking back over this last year. And we came up with eight of the top tips that looking back over all the conversations we have that we could come up with, to help you build thriving non monogamous relationships in 2022. And we did the same thing again to 2020. We didn't do it last year, but I think we're gonna make it a yearly thing. Because the things that we learned through this are just so powerful and so helpful, and we want to relay them to you. So without further ado, there I think I'm going to hop in.

Josh 2:54
So the first thing that I want you to take away, going into 2022 Is that one person absolutely can transform an entire relationship. And I know this is the opposite of what a lot of people say. And you may have heard us say this before. But this last year has really reiterated this for us because we've worked this year with more clients who are superheroes, who are coming through, who are transforming the relationships on their own, than we ever have before. And just been reminded of how possible it is and how important it is to be empowered in your relationships.

Josh 3:39
Because here's the problem. Anytime you're in a relationship, and you have things that you want to change, and the relationships needs to be healed, you're arguing you're fighting, you're unhappy, it's falling apart, maybe it's at the end, it doesn't matter. There's always one person who is more motivated or more willing, let's say, to make change, at that point to drive the change, to do the work to do what needs to be done to invest the time, and the energy and the emotional effort. In healing relationship. There's always one person who's more motivated. But sometimes a lot of times in a relationship, you may be at a point where only one person is willing to do the work right now and maybe that person is you. And there are a lot of reasons that people wind up here.

Josh 3:39
Maybe your partner is hopeless. It's hard to put in the work when you're hopeless and you don't believe the relationship can work. Maybe you're the one who's struggling with the problems like maybe you're really jealous and insecure and you're struggling and your partner wants you to fix that. And that's not their burden to carry. They can't fix you. Or maybe your partner feels like they have done a lot of work before. And they've chosen you over and over again, and they've invested and they've put in the effort, but you haven't held up your end. And they need to see you grow and change before they're willing to put the effort back in now. So whatever the case, and there's a lot more reasons, but there's a lot of reasons that you might wind up in the situation, where you're the only one who is willing to do the work in your relationship.

Josh 5:29
And if that's where you're at, you really only have two options, you can give up and let the relationship keep going down the road, it's going and falling apart, and maybe even end because a lot of times when our partner is that tapped out, the relationships right at that breaking point. And if you're there, then you can choose to give up on the relationship and pack up your shoes and leave and give up that family and that future. Or you can say, You know what, I care about this relationship, I love this person, maybe I love our family if you have a family together. And this is worth fixing. So I'm going to be the superhero. And I'm going to step up, and I'm going to do the work and do everything I can to turn this relationship around. And what's amazing is that when you do that, you absolutely can transform a relationship as one person because as one person in your relationship. Number one, there's a lot of things that you can control that fall in your realm of control the things you can change on your own.

Josh 6:35
This might be arguing, arguing is a great example, it's impossible to argue if you have one person who won't argue it just doesn't work, it doesn't happen. And there's so many things in relationship like that, where you have the control to make a change. But even the places that you maybe don't have the control, you know, maybe wanting your partner to spend more time with you. Or, to show you more affection, right, even though you may not be able to control that you still have an enormous amount of influence in your relationships, because your partners care about you, and love you and want you to be happy, and at the end of the day would 99% of time really love to see this relationship work.

Josh 7:19
So one person can change themselves and in doing that can transform and raise the entire level of the relationship up. Right. And so if that's you, and you're in that spot, where your partner isn't in the same spot of being willing to make change, you absolutely can make that change on your own. And there's no reason to give up, you can transform that relationship and heal it and be that superhero who turns things around. Alright.

Josh 7:52
The second tip that we want to give you the second biggest thing that's been reiterated to us this year that we've learned is that at the end of the day, the single biggest thing that determines who's going to build a thriving relationship and who doesn't is just the commitment, right? It's having that absolute commitment that you deserve more, and your partners deserve more, and your family deserves more. And that you're no longer willing to settle for the places in the relationship that are hurting each other or dragging you down or to settle for the relationship falling apart if that's where you're at. Because everybody, all of us, and especially in this past year, there has been a lot of stuff going on, and everybody who comes those everybody who's looking to make a change, everybody wants to heal their relationship. They all have a ton of life stuff going on. People are sick people have lost their jobs, you know, stuffs going on with family members. It's been a really rough year for a lot of people with housing, and work and all kinds of things.

Josh 9:04
But what we've seen over and over again, is that the people who heal their relationships, who get back that love and that passion and build those thriving, awesome connected relationships that they want. It isn't a matter of who has the most time or who things are going the most smoothly for right now or who doesn't have anything else on their plate. It has to do with the people who are like enough's enough. I'm no longer willing to tolerate this, I deserve more. My family deserves more and I'm going to make it the priority to heal this relationship and to do whatever it takes to get back to having that awesome relationship that I know we can have to get back to having what we used to have here to get secure in our future again, because when people are absolutely committed to doing that, then they find a path For it no matter what other challenges are standing in their way, right? They make the time to invest. They summon up the emotional energy, they prioritize things in a way to do the work that they need to do. And those people are the ones who heal the relationship. It's not the ones who healing the relationship is easiest for, in fact, a lot of our best clients are the ones who had a lot of other obstacles standing in their way.

Josh 10:28
But they decided to do this anyways, they decided to make their relationship a priority anyways. And those are the ones who kick ass take names, chew bubblegum, do everything that they need to do, and build the relationships that they want and have the intimacy and the passion, and the connection and that security again.

Josh 10:49
So whatever else you may have going on, and you may have a lot going on right now, going into 2022, and all the crazy stuff that happened this last year, but here's the thing, it's not gonna stop being crazy anytime soon. It was easy to think that maybe back in 2021, that things were just gonna be crazy for a few months. But that's not what's happening. Crazy is the new norm right now. And if you're waiting for life, to stop being crazy, to have the relationships that you want, and to have the love that you want, you're never gonna have it. And if you're running into problems in your relationship, and you're waiting for stuff not to be crazy, you're just going to keep waiting and waiting until it's too late. And now things have come to a breaking point. Right.

Josh 11:31
So the second biggest tip that I want you to take away going into this year, is if you want something more for your relationships, make that the priority, commit to doing that, and then do whatever it takes to make that happen, because that's the way you're going to get the relationships that you want.

Josh 11:49
Alright, third tip, and, folks, this isn't any particular order, we're covering a lot of ground here. But we want to give you the most important stuff to take away. The third thing that I really want you to take away going into 2022 If you are someone who is in a relationship, where one of you is polyamorous and the other person isn't, those kinds of relationships can absolutely work. And especially here towards the end of the year, we've had a big influx of clients who have been in the situation where they've been together for years. And now one person has either discovered their non monogamous or rediscovered it. Maybe they knew that before. But they, they thought they could put it down for the sake of the relationship and go back to being monogamous for this person. And now they realize that they can't be a happy, healthy, fulfilled human. And now folks are in the situations where they've been together for years. They've built to life, they'd planned for a future maybe they built a family. And all of a sudden, they have this huge seeming point of incompatibility.

Josh 12:51
And I know a lot of the advice out there and a lot of the the commentary that you'll see around that if you're in that kind of relationship, where one person isn't non monogamous, and one is that absolutely cannot work. And I'm here to tell you that is just completely false. Any given year, a third of the people that we work with, are in situations where one person we call them poly/Mano relationships, right? Where one person is non monogamous, and one person is monogamous. And they have to figure out a way to make that work. Is that easy? Hell no, it's not easy. Of course, that's not easy.

Josh 13:29
But it is something that can be navigated and that you have to navigate, in fact, because really, when you're at that place where you realize that the situation that you're in, you only have three options. One is you keep shoving that down and ignoring it and sticking your head in the sand. And you do that, while the resentment and the upset and the feeling of unhappiness and unfulfillment gets worse and worse and worse and worse, until something finally explodes and breaks and somebody cheats, or somebody decides they can't do the relationship anymore, or now they need non monogamy right now. And they're having these conversations every single day and things can't last you just sit on it and wait. Or you give up and you say this isn't gonna work and you give up on everything that you have together and everything you've invested.

Josh 14:19
Or you say, You know what, we're going to do everything that we can to find a path forward together in this before giving up. We're gonna approach this as a team, we're gonna approach this as another challenge to solve together. And we are going to figure out a path forward and the people who are willing to do that, there is absolutely hope. Because we work with people in this situation all the time. We see it all the time. We have a bunch of people, a bunch of clients right now who are navigating through this very effectively. And getting to a point where like, yes, we are doing this relationship thing. This is going to work. We're navigating through this. We're going to be together. This is awesome. So if you were in those shoes, don't give up, there's absolutely hope don't let anybody tell you otherwise. It absolutely can work. It's not easy. It is very challenging. It takes a lot of commitment, and work and support, usually to get through, but it absolutely can be done.

Josh 15:16
Alright, fourth tip from this last year, is that bad advice is usually worse than no advice at all, the wrong help is usually worse than no help at all. One thing that we're seeing a lot right now, over the last year, as we have conversations with people is non monogamy is continuing to become more and more mainstream, and more and more prevalent. And as a result of that, there are a lot more sources, it would seem for help. The problem is, is that a lot of the help that people look at when it comes to non monogamy falls into one of two areas, either it falls into the situation of we have no idea how to make relationships work period. But we have lots of ideas about how polyamory should run. So here's a lot of advice telling you what to do based on what to me sounds like it makes good non monogamy even though I have no experience with not only what works really innominate me beyond myself, but no experience what works in non monogamy - in relationships in general, like what are the methods and strategies that have been proven to heal relationships, period in the monogamous world. And so you have a lot of that end. A lot of people who want to talk all about the non monogamy but have no real basis for relationships and how to actually make relationships work. And these are a lot of the people that you see on Facebook, maybe some authors. And then on the other end, you have a lot of people who maybe have the ability to help relationships that have no clue around non monogamy.

Josh 17:09
And the challenge that people run into, is that very often bad advice is worse than no advice. Because when you're in a spot when you need help, and you go out and you go looking for it, and then you find somebody and you trust what they're telling you, and you put it into place. The problem is, what happens when what you're putting into place becomes something that just drags your relationship further down. And this is entirely possible if you're doing the wrong things. So it's become even more important in the last year, as stuff has gotten a lot more popular. And it's it's awesome that non monogamy is getting more popular. I love it, I think it's an amazing thing. But it means you have to be a lot more mindful. And give a lot more thought as to what advice you're listening to, and what you're putting into place in your relationships. And that's that's one thing, right?

Josh 18:14
And I'll throw this in too so we see a lot of that on the side of one place you want to be very mindful of that is just the non monogamous community. The non monogamous community is unfortunately full of a lot of people who want to be really helpful. But nine times out of 10 It's the blind leading the blind, like you go, you ask a question, you get a crap ton of advice. But what people are telling you, you know, these are people who their relationships haven't even been successful. And the people who have they know what's worked for them, but they have no experience outside of their own relationship to tell you what will work for you. So that's one thing you need to be wary of.

Josh 18:47
The other thing is that it has recently gotten to be a lot more popular and in vogue, for professionals to claim themselves as poly friendly. Which, on the one hand is awesome. I think it's great that non monogamy, again is becoming more known. And if you're going and you need to talk to somebody about some trauma that you have in your life, or to deal with a mental health issue or stuff like that, and you have somebody who you can relay your whole life to and not have them judge you, that's fine. But nine times out of 10 When people are saying they're poly friendly, what it means is I'm not going to throw you out of my office because you're non monogamous. But these people don't actually have any idea. Any experience with non monogamy either personally, right? They don't deal with it on a regular basis professionally, and they don't know how to navigate the challenges around non monogamy. And so the advice that they give you around those things is really likely to do more harm than good.

Josh 19:53
And I'm talking a little dispassionately about this at the moment But I've seen a lot of relationships and Cassie's seen a lot of relationships in this last year that have fallen apart, because of the wrong advice, because people have thought that they're doing the right thing, when what they're doing is actually harming their relationship rather than helping. So going into 2022, I want you to celebrate how much more popular and accepted non monogamy is getting. And I want you to realize that you now have to be much more mindful about where you are getting your advice from, and making sure you're getting the right advice. Right. And just a couple of things to look at, when you're looking at that, right is number one, like, Does this person or these people or this resource or whatever? Are these professionals who are professionals who, in fact, do this regularly? Right? And help people out all the time? Because, again, a lot of times you have people giving advice on what's worked for them, but they don't know what works in general. So has this person worked with a lot of people? Is this what they do? regularly to where they would know not just what has worked for them? But what has worked for other people? Right? And you also want to look at how many people like me, has this person helped? What are the fruits that that the advice this person gives, has yielded? Like, how many people like me has this person helped? I'm non monogamous. I'm looking for this kind of relationship. I'm running into this kind of challenge. Wherever I'm going for advice, whether it's online, whether it's it's a therapist, or an expert or a coach, how many people like me has this person helped? And what kind of results have those people gotten? And can I see proof of that? Can I see their clients? Can I see people like me who were at where I was at, who are now where I want to be.

Josh 22:02
And that's really, I'm just unloading some of this off the top of my head. But you really need to be a lot more cognizant going into this year, of where you're getting your advice, please, please, please, please, please. Because it's so easy to go with good intentions and looking for help and looking for advice and to wind up sinking your relationship in the process. And to be honest, most of the time, you're better off not doing anything than doing the wrong thing. But what I want you doing is the right thing, and actually finding those people who can actually help you. Okay.

Josh 22:36
Next tip that I want to give you going into this year that I want you to look at is stop playing whack a mole, with your relationships. And this is something that we're seeing so much is people who think they have this one, problem in their relationships. Maybe it's just the communication in our relationship is bad. But if we fix that, everything else would be amazing. Or it's just that we feel disconnected and the passion is gone. And the love is gone. And we feel like roommates now. But if we just fix that, everything would be great. Or it's just that I'm jealous. If I could just get over these jealous feelings, then everything would be okay. And it isn't just that people think this way about their problems. Maybe you're thinking this way about the challenges you're facing in your relationship. It's that a lot of times when people go looking for solutions to solving their problems, they find solutions that only work on one thing, this is kind of the traditional model for working on relationships, right? Let's just go and work on our communication for the next six months. Let's go take a nonviolent communication course for the next three months. Let's spend the next three months going through and working on why our passion has fallen off and talking to somebody about the reasons behind that. And going through that, right. But this is the problem with anything like that. Everything in our relationships is connected. You never have just one problem, because that's not how relationships work. When you just have one problem in your relationship, generally your relationship corrects for that. But when you have challenges, it impacts multiple areas of your relationship. So if you're arguing all the time, well, guess what? Now you're also feeling disconnected because it's hard to be screaming and saying nasty shit to each other. And to still feel that lovey dovey sunshine feeling.

Josh 24:42
If you're not getting your needs met, it's really hard to feel secure. Because you're looking at somebody else, and you're seeing all the things that they have that you want, and now you feel jealous. So it isn't just about the jealousy. It's about the stuff in your relationship the needs You have that aren't happening, it's about you not getting the time, or the affection or being heard. And maybe it's also that when you go to talk about those things, the conversation falls apart. You're not just feeling insecure about losing the relationship, you're feeling insecure about losing the relationship, because there's things going on. And because you're feeling insecure, you're now pushing your partner further away. This is how relationships work. There's never just one problem. And when you try and take this approach of focusing on one problem, one of two things happens. Either one, you don't make progress on that problem, because you don't have the other things that are contributing to that fix. So taking the jealousy, for example, I can help you work on just your jealousy. And do that for a month. But if I do that, and that's all we work on, and we don't address the reasons that you're jealous, and you're still having to go out. And you know, you haven't had sex with your partner in the last three months. And now they're coming home raving about how awesome the intimacy is, with this new person they're dating. Working on jealousy isn't going to get you to where you want to be.

Josh 26:10
So a lot of times people don't make that progress. But then when they do, the other thing that happens now, is they make progress on that. But then as soon as they go focus on something else. So we worked on the communication for three months, and we finally made some progress. And now we're going to work on the intimacy. Well, guess what, as soon as we stopped focusing on the communication, now all of a sudden, that reverts back. And now we're arguing and we're fighting, and we're not hearing each other. And we're talking in circles again. Why? Because there's all this other stuff going on, that's all playing off each other, and we didn't fix it.

Josh 26:44
So stop playing whack a mole in your relationship, that is the old way to fix things. It doesn't work. It's why people work on things for months, and years, and either don't see progress or they see really slow progress or they see progress, then they backtrack, right? When you're working on your relationships, you have to we like to talk about relationships, synergy, you have to work on multiple areas of your relationship, you have to work on the communication, you have to work on the connection, you have to work on your agreements. And you have to work on the I forget the other thing offhand that we typically say, but there's a lot of things in there that you have to work on, right, and raise the level of those things all at once. And when you do that, you raise the level of the whole relationship, and you stop having all those areas contributing to each other. And that's when you can see real change, and real transformation. And I'm sure the last things and click for me as soon as I stop talking about it, or somebody else is going to come in and fill it in. Right. But that's what has to happen. You have to work and bring the different areas of your relationship up. At the same time.

Josh 28:03
Jealousy and security is the last thing. Knew that was going to happen. All right. So the communication, the connection, the security in your relationship, and the agreements, they all have to be brought up for the relationship to change and to really get to where you want to be. And for those changes to stick. Alright.

Josh 28:25
Sixth thing that you want to look at going into 2022. And this is the importance of the right community. Notice I said of the right community, so let's talk about community for a minute. Community is super important. And I talk to a lot of people who are feeling really alone in this journey, because while non monogamy is getting to be more accepted, and more popular, it still certainly isn't the norm. And that may be especially true depending on where you live, or the friend circles you have, or how you were raised and what your family looks like. And it's entirely possible that you're in a place right now, where you're feeling really alone. Really alone in this journey or feeling like you're weird or like there's something wrong with you. Like nobody else wants this. There's something wrong with wanting it or even maybe wanting it's okay but nobody else is running into these challenges that you are there's something uniquely wrong with you.

Josh 29:45
And being around community, being part of a community of people like you is really important but you You want to be a part of the right community, and you want to be a part of community for the right reasons and with the right expectations, and let's start there. So what do you want from community? What do you want to look at community for what is the purpose of community. So community is a place to realize that you're not alone, to be around other people like you, right? To share what you're going through, to look at other people and to see what's possible. To be in a place where you can have some support. And I mean by this like emotional support, when you're going through difficult times. That's what I want you to look at in terms of community. Right, that's what you should expect in terms of community.

Josh 30:58
Now I real quick want to talk about what community isn't. Because this is one place, we see a lot of people flounder, community isn't a place to get advice, and answers to your questions and struggles and commentary on whether or not your relationships are going to work or not going to work. And I commented on this a little earlier, folks, I shouldn't have to say this. But please don't believe everything that you read on Facebook. When you go into a Facebook group, or even in person, and you're asking people for advice, you have to understand just because these people are like you doesn't mean they have any more of a clue what to do and how to navigate this than you do.

Josh 31:48
And unfortunately, so much of the advice in the non monogamous communities is the blind leading the blind, and it is telling you stuff that's going to destroy your life. So it's flat out telling you to break up or that something's wrong with you or ripping you apart for the kind of relationships that you have, or the problems that you're going through or the things that you're struggling with. And it's not helpful. Don't believe everything you read on the internet, that is not the purpose of community, and I say on the internet, because for many of you at least some of your communities on the internet, but the same thing goes in person. People just don't tend to be as hostile to you in person as they are on the internet. But that's what community is for. Community- it's not a place to get advice. But it's a place to not be alone to be around other people like you to understand that you're not weird, that your problems aren't weird. That's it, right?

Josh 32:37
And you want to find the right- you want to be part of the right community. Right? So what should that look like? Well, at a minimum, the right community should be a place where you're not being told to break up, you're not being told there's something wrong with you, you aren't being jumped on and torn to pieces. That kind of a thing. That would be the minimum, the minimum would be just a supportive place of people like you that isn't tearing you down or sabotaging relationships. Now the ideal for community would be like the community we have with our clients, which is a community where it's led, where there's, you know, people who are running it, who actually have the standing and the experience to give advice that works, where people are building each other for not just building each other up, but building each other up in the right way. They're supporting each other, they're using the same tools. They're, you know, helping people and supporting them in doing the right things because they have coaches there to make sure that they don't get off track. And then they're there to help each other and support each other through that journey. That's the best kind of community.

Josh 33:43
But regardless of whether or not that's the kind of community you want for yourself right now, you need to be around community of people and you need to be around a community that is building you up, rather than tearing you down. And one of the great things about this day and age and stuff getting more prevalent is it is much more possible to find community, whether that is you know, in person, or whether you know, due to where you live in distance or COVID concerns or whatever, you want to do that more online. There's lots of community out there, but get around people like you. It is incredibly helpful. Just do it for the right reasons and make sure that you're in the right place. Okay. And many of you probably know this if you're watching this, but we have a free Facebook community that you're welcome to join.

Josh 34:37
Alright the seventh thing that we want to give you as our biggest tip going into this new year is this: understand that polyamory isn't Easy. This is a belief that is so prevalent, and does so much harm. And this gets back to some of the downsides of community in the blind leading the blind. One of the sentiments that is very common in the non monogamous space in the non monogamous communities is that polyamory should be easy. And if it's challenging, if you're having a hard time, if you're struggling, if you're jealous, if you are fighting if things aren't where you want to be, if, like I said before, one person's polyamorous the other person's not whatever, that this journey should be easy. And then if it's not easy, well, that just means there's something wrong with you. Or there's something wrong with your partner, you're not cut out for non monogamy, you shouldn't be doing this. Or maybe it's not just that you shouldn't be doing this, you should just break up with each other. And that is so false.

Josh 36:03
And over and over again this year, we've had people come to us have been like, I everybody's telling me, this should be easy. And I'm seeing all these people claiming that it was easy. And I don't know what to do. Well, first, I got to tell you, 99% of the people are claiming it's easy are, just absolutely lying to you. I know very, very few people who this journey has been easy for and a lot of times people I see saying it should be easy are the ones whose relationships have failed. So just know that and understand that, of course, polyamory isn't easy. And why isn't polyamory easy, and it's really obvious when you stop to think about it. Number one, relationships aren't easy. You look at the failure rate for monogamous relationships, let's not even say the failure rate. The divorce rate for non monogamous relationships is about 50% for first marriages, and it goes up from there. And that's just for marriages. That's not the breakup rate total.

Josh 36:03
You look around and you look at your monogamous friends and the people, you know, have relationships, how many of them are really truly happy, and how many of them have struggled, how many of them have been together a long time, how many of them have broken up, how many of them have divorced and then remarried, relationships aren't easy. And when you throw non monogamy in the mix, I love non monogamy and there's some amazing things about it. And it can be fulfilling and awesome. And just beautiful when it's being done well. But I'll tell you one thing that it doesn't do, it doesn't make your relationships easier or less complicated. It makes them more complicated.

Josh 37:40
You need more skills that you don't have. And not only that, but when you're in a spot where you're let's say you are newly moving into non monogamy, which maybe you are, maybe you aren't. But if that is you and you're newly moving into non monogamy. Well, now you're turning the way you've done your relationships for the last 20, 30, 40, 50 years on its head, you're turning all the role models that you've had. And now those no longer apply, you need a whole new set of tools that you don't have. Of course, it's not easy. So I don't want you to expect non monogamy to be easy. Please, please, please, as you're going to 2022, do not expect your relationships to be easy. I want you to expect them to be challenging, I want you to expect it to take a lot of work and a lot of effort and a lot of commitment, it often takes a lot of support. And I want you to realize that on the other side of that are beautiful, thriving, loving relationships where you're living the life that you want, and to recognize the thing that you know, that everybody knows, which is nothing worth having in life ever comes easy in your relationships aren't any different. So don't let anybody lie to you about that. Because when you do, you will cause yourself no end of suffering, thinking that something is wrong with you.

Josh 38:59
Alright, and the last thing is the eighth tip that I want you to take away into 2022. The eighth and final tip that we've gotten to see over the last year is that good relationships create a good life even in hard times. I mentioned earlier that our clients haven't had it particularly easy these last two years. Right. People have gotten sick people have gotten COVID. Their families have gotten covid, people have lost their jobs, people have lost their homes. People have had friends or family members who are close to them pass away, people have gone through all kinds of other shit. Because life is always happening. But here's the thing.

Josh 39:58
It's in those times when life isn't going well that it is most important to have those good relationships. Because when life is tough, what do you really want? Do you really want life is tough and you're miserable, and your relationships and your relationship's falling apart, not only are you worried about the fact that you lost your job, but now you're also worried about whether or not you're going to lose your partner. Of course not, of course, it's not what you want. Right? You want to be in a place where even though you've lost your job, or even though you're sick, or even though, families having trouble, that you and your partner are on the same team, that your relationship is great that you're happy, and that you have that support there to help you get through these challenging times.

Josh 40:59
We had a couple of clients this last year, Chris and Lally are just absolute rockstars. If you haven't watched their interview, we have it on our Facebook page, we have it, if you go to atouchofflavor.com/stories on our stories page, we have them there. But they are just absolute rockstars. And they are two people who were in a really, really difficult situation where when they joined, right, they've been trying to make non monogamy work for a long time, they already had a lot of relationship problems before that. There was a lot of jealousy there was a lot of arguing everything was falling apart, they had a huge amount of life stuff going on and some special needs children. Right? Chris was working just around the clock, there were all of these things going on in their life. And they committed they made the decision to heal their relationship anyways. And they did that. And the challenges didn't magically stop. They all had COVID, they had a house fire, they had stuff that went on with their kids, like there were all kinds of challenges that they went through.

Josh 41:54
But here's the thing, they had each other. They support each other through being sick. Lelly had a really serious, like health problem, where she was in the hospital and then bedridden for a while, and they didn't know what was gonna happen. But they were there for each other, and they supported each other and they had each other to love and help them get through those tough times. And to make the most of those and to be as happy as possible, even in those struggles, and to still be at the end of the day thriving. That's what you want.

Josh 42:31
So when you're in these times, where things are tough, it becomes more important to have amazing relationships, not less. Because you need those relationships to help get you through those tough times. You need that support and that love and that mental well being and mental health, well being an emotional resilience that comes from having a partner in your corner from knowing that your family is secure. From knowing that no matter what you're going to be together, from having them there to help you when things are rough. And even in those hard times good relationships create a good life.

Josh 43:11
There is nothing, right and Harvard did an amazing study on this about what makes a good life. There is nothing that dictates the level of happiness that you have the level of fulfillment that you have in your life, more than the relationships that you have, and how healthy and thriving, those are not your job, not your income, not your health, not your blood pressure, nothing. It's science. But it's something that we all know. And when you have those good relationships, you can have an amazing life and be happy and fulfilled and have that that home base with security, even when times are hard.

Josh 43:58
So those are our eight tips. Our eight biggest polyamory tips going into 2022. Those are the eight biggest tips we learned from 2021, wanted to give those to you, as a gift, as something to take into 2022 to build thriving relationships. So take our experience, take what we've learned helping people do this and navigate these challenges every single day. That's what these tips are, and apply them to your life. And if as you're going into 2022 you're in a spot where you are committed to making a change, and you do want this year to be better. And you do want to build those amazing relationships and you're ready to do that even though the world isn't perfect right now. And you're realizing that you probably need some help, because relationships aren't easy. We're happy to help you with that too.

Josh 44:49
Right? Because again, that is exactly what we do. It's what we do better than anybody. It's what we do all the time. And if you want some of that for yourself, then go to atouchofflavor.com/talk. You'll see our calendar, you can grab up a spot to speak with one of us, we'll walk you through, we'll talk about what challenges you are facing in your relationship, what's standing in your way of that relationship that you want, where you want to go, and we're going to come up with a plan to get you there. Whether that's by yourself, whether that's with your partner, whether it's figuring out of this relationship, even is savable, doesn't matter, we're gonna navigate through all of that, and help you figure out how to heal that. And what a plan looks like going forward into 2022. So that this year, you can have those loving, thriving, passionate, secure relationships for yourself, and we're happy to help you with that. That's what we do. That's what we're passionate about. It's what we love. And we'd love to help you on that journey. Just like we've helped so many other people.

Josh 45:40
So if you want that, like I said, Go to atouchofflavor.com/talk, grab a spot on our calendar, fill out the short form, so we get some of the information, we'll hop on the phone with you for about an hour, and it's gonna be the best you've ever spent on your relationships. And it'll really get you off to a raring start in 2022. All right.

Josh 45:58
But regardless of what you're doing with that, I want you to make sure, like I said, these tips that we're giving you today. These are the results of doing this, professionally, of working with purely with non monogamous folks, just like you have having hundreds of these conversations, working with dozens of clients. These are the things this year that we've seen that are making huge movements for people. So take that in for yourself, get everything you can out of that. Looking forward to having an amazing 2022 with you, folks. And we'll see you all here next time.

Josh 46:36
Thanks for tuning into today's show, we release new episodes every week. So make sure to subscribe

Cassie 46:42
if you're ready to transform your relationship, and you'd like to see if you're a fit to work with us. Here's what I want you to do next, head over to atouchofflavor.com/talk and book an appointment to speak with our team. We'll get on the phone with you for about an hour. And we'll get you crystal clear on three things. What's really not working in your relationships, what your dream relationships would look like and a step by step plan to close the gap and save your family even if nothing has worked before

Josh 47:10
We talk with hundreds of non monogamous folks like you every year. And here's the truth, building loving, thriving relationships that doesn't happen on its own. You need expert guidance to make that happen. And unfortunately, when you were building relationships outside the box, that's impossible to find and we get it. But that's exactly what we do. We've helped clients all over the world, save their families, get the passion back and become fast friends again.

Cassie 47:34
So if you want to see if we can help you do the same head over to atouchofflavor.com/talk. I'm Cassie.

Josh 47:42
And I'm Josh. Let's talk soon