Naughty ladies, this one’s for you….

Life makes it tough sometimes to maintain a romantic, intimate, exciting relationship.  There’s work outside the home, then work inside the home, laundry to be done, bills to be paid, shopping and errands to do, dinner to cook and the list goes on.  Then at the end of the day sometimes we just want to relax and have some “me” time.  You’ve just sat down to relax and he comes up with “that” look in his eye and wants to be amorous.  Sex is about the last thing on your mind a) because you’re tired and just got comfortable or b) you’re still mentally making lists of things you still need to do.  Sound familiar?  Then when you’ve got it all done and want a little cuddle time, he’s camped out on the sofa with the remote in hand and maybe has even drifted off and an opportunity has been lost.  

Stress is one of the biggest challenges in relationships.  We get so wrapped up in what’s going on in our lives that sometimes we forget to nurture our intimate relationships.  Think of the plant that you keep intending to water but forget and it starts to wilt a little.  Our relationships are the same way.  If we don’t take care of them, they start to wilt.  Guys can feel a little rejected when we don’t make time for them, and then we start to feel unappreciated or not a priority.

Ever read those romance novels with that totally hot guy who’s amazingly handsome and has those sexy six pack abs and does all the right things at the right time and sweeps the heroine off her feet?  Welcome to fantasy land!  Sure, those guys exist and I’m tickled pink to say I hit the jackpot when I married my dream come true but life is not always a romance book.

We all need to remember what attracted us to our significant other in the first place,  Has some of that dimmed in the course of life and while we’ve fallen into that “comfort zone”?  Comfort is a dangerous trap to fall into as far as relationships go.  On the one hand, it’s wonderful to have that one person you can totally be yourself with and relax around, and yet, men, and women for that matter, need a challenge and need to be stimulated.  Intimacy involves a closeness but keeping that sexual spark alive requires a little bit of distance, allure, mystery.

So every once in a while, catch him off guard.  Instead of complaining over what he hasn’t done, praise him for what he does well.  Walk past him and stop to whisper that he looks really hot in those jeans, give him a love nibble, lay a hot, passionate kiss on him.  Just as you get out of the car and are going in somewhere (it doesn’t even matter if it’s Home Depot or the grocery store!), tell him you “forgot” to put panties on.  Pull out that lingerie that stays in the dresser drawer and surprise him one night after the kids are in bed.  Who cares if you’ve gained an extra five pounds?  I can assure you he will appreciate your efforts.  No guy likes to do all the work or constantly have to make the first move.  

Put a dirty or sexy note in his lunch box, text him, court him again.  Make him desire you like he did when you were dating.  Men love a challenge.  So often people think that once they’re married or have been in a relationship long term that the work is over.  Nope.  Not even close.

Why is it we shy away from sharing fantasies?  Come on now, this is the person you are in love with and share so much.  The only boundaries in a relationship are the ones we place there.  Send him an erotic email with a fantasy or when you ARE in bed and making love, stop him.  Take charge.  Pay attention to more than just his penis.  Men have many erogenous zones just as we do.  Pay attention to his nipples, his neck, ears, face, chest and inner thighs.  Kiss him, REALLY kiss him, deeply and passionately.  I’m not talking a tonsillectomy here.  You know what I mean.  Gently caress and lightly squeeze his testicles.  Less is better here!  Too much and the moment will be gone!  Men won’t correct us and tell us what they want most of the time because they don’t want you to stop touching them or feel like you’re not doing it “right”.

Be sexy.  Allow him to be sexy with you.  Masturbate for him and let him do the same for you.  Amazing what you can learn about what your partner likes when you watch them touch themselves.

TALK TO HIM!  Men’s egos are often tied to their bedroom skills.  You can’t really complain that you’re not having orgasms or satisfying ones if you’re not telling him what you like and don’t like.  There’s a fine line between criticizing and guiding.  Reassure him and tell him when something feels good or a little lighter, more to the left.  Is he moving too fast?  Stop him.  Slow him down.  Talk dirty to him.  Doesn’t have to be raunchy, just sexy.  Get on top of him and let him lay back and enjoy the vision of you enjoying yourself.  

Remember that when we’re self conscious and see all of ours flaws, guys feel the same way.  They’re concerned about bellies, butts, penis size, just as we worry about our female counterparts.

Take a risk.  Open up.  I’ve always hated being on top during sex because I’m heavy, so I finally told my husband that.  His response?  “God, you’re beautiful up there.”  Wow.  How can a girl NOT feel sexy then?  Now being on top is one of my favorite places because I took a chance and was honest and open about my insecurities, and he certainly loves it.

Another thing, ladies.  Some men like porn.  Pay attention here because I’m only going to say this once.  YOUR MAN WATCHING PORN HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, WHAT YOU ARE OR AREN’T, HAVE DONE OR HAVEN’T DONE!!!  Reality is that only a small percentage of the population are sex addicts so chances are he is okay. Most likely he a is just a normal guy who is visually stimulated and likes watching things occasionally.  Please don’t overreact or make him feel bad about it or himself.  No woman can be everything to her guy sexually; just as we enjoy masturbating occasionally or playing with toys when he’s not around isn’t any indication of him not being enough.

If you have a problem with it, ask him what it is he likes, rationally think about it and then tell him what bothers you about it.  I’ve been known more than once to pop up behind my husband when he’s surfing porn and say “wow, that’s hot.”  That, too, can lead to some open doors and good times.  

Be open.  That’s all I’m saying.  If the spark isn’t what it used to be then you, too, are responsible for helping to reignite it.  Yep, life is stressful and busy, but there’s nothing like a good orgasm and some hot sex to relieve frustration and endorphins.  The best part?  I promise it will only benefit your relationship if you put into practice some of the things I’ve mentioned.

I wish you all the best!!

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