Venturing on a new adventure with your partner can be an exciting thing. It can also cause some stress and a bit of strain. Regardless of the roller coaster ride, it may seem to be, it also allows for the opportunity to learn more about each other and to grow as a couple. When my husband and I decided to try out opening our relationship to others it was an adventure that seemed to test every aspect of our relationship. Fortunately for us, the experience helped to strengthen our bond and teach us how to communicate with each other better.
It was after a play party that we had decided to discuss the possibility of opening things up. Up to that point, we had restricted our play to no sexual contact below the waist. My husband had mentioned the desire to be able to have sex with the person we were playing with. It’s not that he wasn’t enjoying the time spent playing without the possibility of taking things further, but he would like the chance to be able to explore that side if the desire was there. Although I could understand his reasoning behind it, I wasn’t very receptive to it the idea at first. Sex was something that I had reserved for my partner only; I had never had casual sex before. He, on the other hand, had had sex casually before; it was just sex, no attachments.
After some very long conversations about our differences and expressing our concerns about it, we decided we should give things a try. The conversations were helpful in that we learned things about each other’s past that weren’t known before and how it contributed to the concerns about beginning this new adventure. Unfortunately, the way we decided to start things off was not the best way for us to approach it. That fact wasn’t something we were able to realize through all of our discussions.
The approach we took to opening things up was to go at it “head first”. There were rules put in place about being with another: the person can’t be someone random, protection at all times, must clear it with each other first, etc. I didn’t hesitate to approach a friend that I had played with before, despite my reluctance to be with someone other than my husband. Even though the experience was pleasurable and I was able to fully understand my husband’s perspective on sex afterward it wasn’t an experience I left feeling completely happy about. My mixed feelings afterward put a bit of a strain on our relationship. It took some time for me to come around to being myself again. But despite all of that we kept moving forward with our decision to explore things.
When my husband found a friend he was interested in being with it made for a rough time as well. Somehow it seemed like everything leading up to his adventure was a miscommunication. What he thought I had meant about one thing was misinterpreted into another and vice versa. Things went back and forth like that between us for the majority of the time before he was with our friend. That should have been a warning to us to not proceed further with that experience, yet we continued on. And afterward, things were still a bit strained between us, which required us to hash some things out.
Even though things didn’t go as well as they could have, we stuck together and used the experiences we had as a tool to grow our relationship. We now know things about each other that may not have been learned otherwise and have greatly improved our communication with each other. The approach we took wasn’t ideal for us, but now we know that. Through that knowledge, we have been able to change tactics and explore things with other people without any problems.